Wednesday, May 18


Friday, May 1


"To my audience of One
You are Father, and You are Son
As Your Spirit flows free,
Let it find within me
A heart that beats to praise You.
And now just to know You more
Has become my great reward
To see Your kingdom come
And Your will be done
I only desire to be Yours"

("Audience of One" Lyrics by: Big Daddy Weave)

Saturday, February 9

THE ABSOLUTE WORST MOMENT OF MY LIFE (contemplating Gracie Ann's last day, 1year later)

February 8, 2018 (8:00pm)
Jeremy was diagnosed with the flu, so he was staying out at our lake house until he was no longer contagious. He was coming into town the next morning for a meeting

 February 9, 2018 (8:00am)
Gracie Ann woke up with in a seizer with an extremely high fever
(which had happened often throughout her life)
I gave her a cool bath....Jeremy came home as I finished bathing her. Gracie Ann's breathing was shallow and she just didn't look good. We were both afraid
Jeremy called 911
I sat in the ambulance with Gracie Ann and prayed, as the EMT tried to get a line in her tiny arm to start an IV.....he just could not get a line, I kissed her and made a little cross on her forehead and they had to leave....Jeremy went with her
(10:29am first update from Jeremy)

Job 1:21
"Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked shall I return. The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away; Blessed be the Name of the Lord"

But as my heart was truly shredded into 1,000,000 pieces, in that very same single moment of my true agony was....

Luke 23:43
"Truly I say to you (Gracie Ann), today thou shalt be with Me in Paradise"

I can only imagine.....

I can only imagine.....what that moment might have been like for Gracie Ann, when she gazed into the most Beautiful and Loving Eyes of her Heavenly Father for the very first time..
What did He say...
What did He look like...
What did His Mighty Arms feel like when they embraced Gracie Ann so tightly....
did she rest her head on His Chest...
could she hear the beating of His most Sacred Heart...
How did He smell...
What did His Voice sound like when He told her that He Loved her...

Oh my Dear Jesus,
my heart aches in brokenness, as i am longing for my little Gracie Ann.
but i know that Gracie Ann was never mine, but Your's Jesus. i will be forever grateful to You, for the immense blessing of being chosen to be the mother of this precious baby girl.
Thank You for sharing her with me and with this world...and thank You for taking her home to Heaven  with You to Adore You and Glorify You for all of eternity.

I love You Jesus and i trust in You....yesterday, today, tomorrow.....without question, without counting the cost, with all of my heart and with all of my soul and with everything that I have, and with everything that i will ever be...
no matter what.....I choose You, because You made me for Yourself.
i love You
i promise never to turn away from You
please never ALLOW me turn away from You 
for i know that i am little and i am weak and i am afraid
please carry this cross for me.....

Wednesday, February 6


19 years ago… and nine months prior to this day, I became a mommy for the very first time.....

Something that my heart always longed for, ever since I had been a little girl.

After much fervent prayer and longing, Jesus so mercifully and graciously blessed me, by creating this perfect and amazing little person, and THEN, so Lovingly, He chose on that very day...and at that very moment, to gift this special little baby girl to ME, to fill my empty womb, where she would grow and thrive...and so too, entrusting me to become a faithful mother. 


I was transformed on that day forever and ever and ever!
Now you have become, a beautiful blessing, not only to me, but to this entire world. 
Madison, your heart is golden and it shines so brightly for all to see! You are our Lord’s true delight!! 
Today is...and was the BEST day ever!
I love you so so much Madi-Bear. 

Thank you for allowing Jesus to *use your voice, to speak His words...
*use your hands to minister His love to others....
*and for using your feet, to so faithfully and so fervently RUN towards Him, with your hands extended order to bring as many souls as you can, with you, to Christ. 
i love you with all of my heart and with all of my soul.

A surprise visit home by Madison for an impromptu Birthday celebration
I quickly set up a festive display for our Madison-Bear
Then we went to have a visit and some girl-talk with our third little sister, our Gracie Ann
 Jesus blessed Madi and i with such a beautiful crisp and sunny winter afternoon, to go and to visit Gracie Ann.
Madison and Gracie Ann are my bookends
Madison and I had such a wonderful time just visiting as we shared our hearts, after singing to Gracie Ann and praying together
What a great surprise to see my Madison on this special day

I love You so much Jesus!  
You continue to so mercifully bless me with gift after gift.  I love the children that you entrusted to Jeremy and I so so much.
As a wife and a mother, I live out my vocation. 
Please keep me close to You as I work each and every moment to return these little ones back to You....along with my beloved we are called as husband and wife to lead each other (hand in hand) back Home to You
 Help me to always honor and glorify You each and every day, in each and every moment, with each and every breath.
You and me Jesus

Thursday, January 31


I found this post that I wrote back in September of 2016
when Jeremy and I prayed and heard our Lord calling us to bring our Nicholsas home.
Now January 2019, Nicholas is in the 8th grade and almost ready for High School.

My sweet Lord always talks to me and tells me all that I need to know to follow Him and to be a good wife/mommy.......I do not always HEAR Him because I am too busy talking myself.  Sometimes, I am so busy ASKING Him for His guidance, that I totally miss His gentle and loving answers.  This is what happened to me recently during a period of great discernment concerning my sweet Nicholas.
(Nicholas and his sweet friend Christopher...they are inseparable and all around best buds)

Dear Nicholas,
Mommy and Daddy always pray for you, constantly reevaluating your life, making sure that daddy and I are putting you into situations where you will thrive in holiness.  This year, our Lord was really tugging at my heart to consider homeschooling you.  You worry about mommy so much and really thrive when you have the security of being close to me, assuring yourself that I am okay.  Of course (selfishly) I always want my children near me.  I was sad to see you unhappy leaving the house each morning....worried.  Daddy and I both want you to be happy above all.....and with God as your Center, you will ALWAYS be guaranteed happiness in life.  So we always start prayer.

I fervently prayed for our Lord to reveal if homeschooling was His Will for you or if it was simply something coming from within myself (because I miss being a homeschooling family) not seeing His Will clearly.

After praying and praying and praying some more (crying out for answers) and not feeling like I knew for sure what to do, God sat me down for a moment of clarity, because I just wasn't "getting it".  I am sure that He sees me as one of His more difficult children, who has a very hard time listening : )

  God chose one afternoon in July and greatly blessed me as He spoke to my heart asking me a series of questions:
I just had to record this beautiful discussion that our Lord blessed me with.....mainly for you, Nicholas to read about later when you wonder how mommy and daddy made choices for you and for your siblings


GOD: "Do you want to pull Nicholas out of school?"
ME: "No, I absolutely LOVE the beautiful Christ centered school that my children are so privileged to attend!"

GOD: "Do you feel up to the challenge of homeschooling Nicholas again, right now?"
ME: "no"

GOD: "Do you want to take on the stress of homeschooling right now?"
ME: "Not even a little bit."

GOD: "Is your family situation in a good and stable place to pull Nicholas out of school right now?"
ME: "Absolutely not!"

GOD: "Are your friends and family going to think that you are crazy for making this choice when you are so sick?"
ME: "Most Definitely!"

GOD: "Will people look at this decision as irresponsible because of so many red flags in your life right now?"
ME: "Without a doubt"

GOD: "Do you dread what people will think when you tell them?"
ME: "I know that I should not, but I do dread it so much!"

GOD: "Does it bother you that your family and friends might think that you and Jeremy are stupid for making this choice?"
ME: "Yes, it does....Maybe it shouldn't, but especially with everyone praying so hard for my health.....I don't want them to think that I am making silly choices."


GOD: "Then kerry, I must ask you....looking back at all of your answers, why do you think that this calling to homeschool is coming from you?"  "Why do you not see that it is Me?"  Not one part of you desires this scary leap of faith...."  "I desire this for you and I desire this for My son, Nicholas"

ME:  (As tears begin to roll down my cheeks) "Oh Jesus, I am so sorry for not hearing You leading  me as I am so busy "asking" for guidance over and over, while You are guiding me the entire time!"

GOD: "kerry, do you trust Me?"
ME: "Yes, I trust You completely and with everything that I am!"

So here begins a new journey.  With my body trembling, I accepted His Will and went to Jeremy (Daddy) with my revelation......and as the beautiful and faithful spiritual leader of our family, your Daddy took my hand and we made this leap of faith together.

(Nicholas and his "Little Chubbers" and he calls her)

We hired a wonderful and holy Catholic homeschooling teacher to school Nicholas as I am still too sick to be able to do it on my own.  He is learning so much, serving at daily Mass, and is growing in confidence with each passing day.   What a blessing Mrs. Lewis has been for our entire family!  We are just so grateful to have her as a part of our life!

Oh sweet son,
You are thriving!  You are happy!! You reflect a true sense of security now that you are at home.
For now, this is exactly where Christ wants you to be.....He is always faithful to us and He will let us know when He desires you to return to school. Until then, I am going to soak up every bit of this special time that we have been blessed with.  I love you Nicholas.

Wednesday, January 30


A unexpected I wrote in February 2017
Gracie Ann was in the ICU

To four of my five children, Madison, Savannah, Nicholas, and Isaac
I am so sorry to put your precious hearts in pain with worry.  I never wanted you to have to experience that fear again...and again, for a second time, you have been afraid.  Our Lord is mysterious, but perfect and mighty!  But I know without a doubt that even though your hearts ache, He loves you more than you could ever understand!

Your love for me is amazing and I am so blessed to be your mommy.  Please know that God knows everything and loves us with a perfect Love.  He has given you the Graces you need as He prepared your fragile hearts for this cross.  He is working miracles in our family everyday!  Miracles that are tangible and can be easily celebrated.  I pray that you will someday realize what a huge gift this is.

I just love you so much my little ones and I am so grateful to be able to be your mommy

A prayer for my Sweet Gracie Ann
(my fifth child)

Dear Lord,
Please bring home our sweet baby bunny, Gracie Ann.  You, most merciful Lord Jesus are mighty and great to hear the cries of Your little
Please bring my littlest girl home to me as soon as You see fit for the good of all
I love you with all of my heart Jesus and I trust in You above all else
kerry ann

Friday, January 25


How wonderful You are to Your little girl (Savannah) to give her such a blessed gift of
The Holy Spirit
Savannah with her blessed Sponsor Diana Harris.......we have been friends for over 19 years!  She is so holy and beautiful and a most precious daughter of Christ!

JANUARY 25, 2019 

Savannah's turn to receive her Holy Anointing 

 ....And just because He can, she was chosen to take up the gifts at the Mass

 Jesus, You always find new and amazing ways to show us Your undying and Perfect Love for your children

(With a feast to share with family and friends)

(The Three Amigos)
Is what they call themselves
Such sweet girls who's moms have been Amigos for about 19yrs
(The Three Amigos)
Our Family with our newly Confirmed beautiful daughter
Our sweet Savannah Banana 
Acts 2:1-4
"When Penticost Day came round, they had all met together, when suddenly there came from Heaven a sound as of a violent wind which filled the entire house in which they were sitting; and there appreard to them Tongues as of Fire; these separated and came to rest on the head of each of them."
"They were filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak different languages as the Spirit gave them power to express themselves"
Praise to You Lord Jesus Christ, King of Endless Glory!  Savannah has been longing for this special day and now it is finally here!
🌺My sweet Savannah🌺

I am so proud to call you my daughter.  You have really grown up to become a beautiful, charitable, and kind young lady.  You have an air about you that is infectious to those of us around you.  Your zeal for life and your ability to laugh at yourself is on of my most favorite of your attributes.

This weekend, I know you are having a beautiful encounter, and I pray that this encounter is between you and our LORD.  HE loves you too.  All the things I love about you, I know are also loved by HIM.  I pray that you find a closeness with GOD, unlike any closeness you have ever had.  I pray that you grow in your faith, so that when the time comes where you need that support that your first instinct is to call on HIM.  You have already shown a tremendous amount of security in our LORD through your resilience during our family’s time of crisis, and I pray that this trust grows even further.

Please take advantage of the time you have been given on this special retreat.  Your growth in holiness can only make you better. I will be praying fervently for you.  Please know how special you are to me.
I love you.

🌺 Savannah’s confirmation retreat letter from mom 🌺

Dearest Savannah Banana

Where do it start. You are encroaching upon the final Sacrament  of Initiation into the Catholic Church. 

It comes with a great deal of responsibility, but God has given you an abundant amount of graces and extreme courage, to conquer all that crosses  your path. 

You are a soldier for Jesus, with your tongue on fire, to spread His Love and His glory to all the ends of the earth. 

A Sacrament, physically puts an indelible mark on your soul. It physically changes you!
.....Super cool, right?
Our Lord has lovingly written in your heart,  His special mission for you that ONLY you, Savannah Gayle Lustig, can accomplish on this earth, for His glory. 
You have been gifted with the traits needed to perform this most precious mission. He infused them into your entire person, at the moment of your creation.  As He formed you....He smiled thinking of all of the wonderful plans that He had for you, Savannah!!
You are an obedient soul. I see you continually allowing our Lord to reflect His True and Mighty Greatness through you, each and every day. 
Jesus dwells inside of your pure and pleasing heart. Please be comforted and confident, knowing that He is there and that in any situation, from the most benign, to the most severe of moments, that you will NEVER EVER be left alone..... even for one single breath. He is there beside you. 
Savannah, you are a most kind and generous soul. You literally glow with joy!!! Each person who has ever crossed your path, has seen this glowing light of our Glorious Lord.   
You never cover it up....instead, you allow it to shine from the very top of your head l, all the way down to the bottoms of your feet, and all throughout your heart as well, to the very inner interior of your soul. 
I know that you do not understand this, as it comes so naturally to you, Savannah.  But everybody sees this joyful light....from family, friends and strangers alike. People that we know and even strangers, would come up to us and tell us about this light!!  It sounds crazy, but it’s true. 
I love you with all of my heart,  my sweet little Savannah Banana!! You are the delight of my heart as well as the delight of Jesus. 
He has big plans for you, little one, and I cannot wait to see all of these plans come to fruition through you. 
You are very special little girl, who was blessed with a very special soul.  Your generosity and your humility make you the best soldier for Christ’s Kingdom. Thank you for allowing His most Divine Light shine through you, each and every moment. 
When you are happy, all who are around you cannot help but to be happy as well!
But Even in your sadness, you are beautiful. 
Savannah, you are everything and more that any mother could ever have dreamed. 
I will never leave you. I will always love you. And I will always pray for you…until I take my very last breath. 
I love you with all of my heart and with all of my soul. You are literally a part of me and I stand in total gratitude in front of God, for seeing fit to make me (and my scrawny little soul) your mama. 

God bless you sweetheart 


My sweet Savannah,
You are so incredibly special to me. I know we have not always gotten along but lately I feel like our relationship has taken a hug step in the right direction. I feel such a special bond to you that no one else will understand…..our relationship is so important- we have been through some awful sufferings that no one will ever fully understand. But I think it made us stronger, and I think we can use this pain to grow closer to God and to each other.

I wanted to include this quote which really speaks to me….it’s a popular A&M saying, but I feel like it applies to us on a much deeper and more persona level:

“From the outside looking in you cant understand it, and from the inside looking out you can’t explain it”

I know how hard things are and have been just as well as you do. Our family is special. I don’t know why we were chosen to take on all of these horrible crosses, but we were, and instead of letting them bring us down, we need to use them to grow strong and shine to others, even when they don’t deserve it or when we shouldn’t have to. It’s not at all simple, but I know you have the strength to do it, so never give up!

One thing that immediately strikes me when I see you is a beautiful, joyful light. It’s in your eyes, in your smile, in your words, in the way you stumble around all the time, in your contagious laugh. Anger and resentment can kill joy so easily, and I fear that all of these things will cause you to change….never, ever change. You are such a little sunshine to all those around you, and it is so important that you never let that flame inside of you die, even when times are tough. I promise, one day we will get through all of this and we will look back and see all of the pain we endured and how we still made it out, side by side, and we are okay.

I am always here for you, and I know how cliche it is to say that but I truly, truly mean it. For anything, anytime. I want to be your go-to, your shoulder to cry on, your first call.

You are in my prayers on this beautiful retreat! Always remember that I love you with all my heart Savannah, and life would be so incredibly dull without you.

Love your big sis,

🌺Savannah’s confirmation retreat letter from Nick🌺

Dear Savannah.     
I hope u are having the most amazing trip ever. You are growing up so fast into an amazing talented and holy girl. I love when we used to play games all the time and u were a squatter in my room. Those Barbie games we used to play and we can’t forget MAN. These thing are thing that I will never forget. I hope this experience helps u grow even closer to God and help prepare u for confirmation. 
                                Love Nick