Tuesday, February 27


Love, Madison



To my Dearest Gracie Ann,

I feel honored and blessed to have you....my sweet baby girl to worry about.

For some mysterious reason, our Lord saw fit to bless daddy and I with such a special baby.
Somehow in His perfect Plan, Jesus trusted MY sickly and frail womb to be your first home. 
You, Gracie Ann are a true example of holiness and virtue. It’s a beautiful mystery to me how you so bravely keep calm when you are in any sort of pain.
 Jesus has made you a true disciple.
Your absolute peace each and every day, permeates into every person, who holds you in their arms, or simply gazes upon you in awe of your tiny miraculous soul. 
   Oh how beautiful a cross God bestowed upon me, as the mother of this angel. 
In the words of St. Mother Theresa, “We truly find ourselves through serving others.”  And serving you, my sweet Gracie Ann, is one of my greatest joys.  
Because, as I Serve you, I find myself transforming into a better version of me.

Being your mom has drawn me closer and closer to our Lord.  With each new struggle or hurdle that daddy and I face, we are strengthened in our faith substantially and you keep our eyes focused on our Lord Jesus Christ 
All blessings come with a responsibility of carrying a cross, and one of the crosses I am experiencing, is that I cannot tell when you are happy, sad, scared or in pain.  
Gracie Ann. I have fervently prayed to Jesus to grant me the special favor of knowing how you feel. 

This is one of the more difficult parts of this cross.….NOT having the knowledge of whether you are happy or sad.
The purity, joy, and health of a child, is a mommy’s indicator of her successes. 
Jesus has shown me that I will not be blessed with this consolation….. For I will give all that I can to you, without knowing how well I am accomplishing my mission as your mommy. Then I will always offer this suffering up in prayer. 
Oh how beautiful, but heavy this cross is.....My sadness is very selfish, but so perfectly refining for my soul.
I DO NOT desire to carry this cross any other way, than what is pleasing to God.
 Gracie Ann.....You were sent to heal us and teach us in your silence.
I have never been taught so much by someone who cannot communicate.  God truly reflects Himself through your soul and to the world
You are a pure spirit and that gives me and each person who gazes upon you, great joy.

I am so grateful that you do not have the capacity to ever offend our most beautiful Lord Jesus.  You can only delight Him and I am honored to be chosen to be your mommy.
I do not in any way mean to liken myself to St. Mother Theresa.  For she had given herself purely to our Lord in every facet of her life.  
But I am inspired by her, serving the poorest of the poor, as I consider you one of the neediest of the needy. Not being able to do one thing for yourself. 
Your life is your gift to me. 
Protecting your littleness and serving you in your helplessness is my true refinement. 
All I desire is to give everything that I have to my Lord Jesus Christ, through my vocation as a mother 
I should not be rewarded for being a good mommy by anyone else but my Heavenly Father. It is not for my human heart to feel consolation, but for God to reveal the fruits of my labor when I gaze upon His most Beautiful Face some day. 
(Your Famous pouty face)

You teach me how to truly and selflessly, serve God though you, Gracie Ann. 
My lifelong prayer is that on that most blessed day when I look into The most Beautiful Eyes of Jesus, that He might see fit to say to me in His most gentle and Fatherly Voice....
”You have done well”. 
(Oh please, oh please Lord...give me the strength to always honor and glorify You.  Please be pleased with me, my Jesus.....and never allow me to offend You)

A sinless life is an impossibility to ask of my sweet Lord, but a little girl ALWAYS asks her father for what she truly desires, and this is my ONLY desire......to love my Father, God perfectly

There will be no earthly reward for me, except the enormous blessing of getting to have you to myself, as long as our Lord sees fit. 
I just cannot stop praising our Lord because I have been extremely blessed that God chose silly little me to be your mommy, Gracie Ann.  
(Your New hat) 
He gifted me with you, to worry about. 
As much as my worry feels heavy on my heart, I wouldn’t have you any other way. 
I would not change even ONE teeny tiny fragment about you. 
For you, Gracie Ann, are a precious little saint and your mission on earth is to minister to others through your quiet peace.
I want to glorify our Lord, every day of my life with you. 
(teaching you how to sit up on your own...you kept slowly falling to the side.  It was quite joyous as you would stay for a minute and then you slowly tip over and your eyes got REALLY BIG)

I must tell you that our Lord has absolutely spoiled me with a very recent gift of your tears!  
You have started to cry when you want your mommy to hold you, and I must say that this small consolation is by far one of my single most greatest joys as a mother.
To be yearned for, by her baby.  Thank you Jesus. 
I love you Gracie Ann. 

Now my Father has asked me to carry a much more beautiful and glorious cross….a cross so shiny, so glittery, and decorated with the most precious jewels the eye has ever fixated upon.
The weight of this most dazzling, opulent and resplendent cross is so very heavy for my scrawny and weak human heart to bear on my own.
Through my foreboding tears, I will myself to trust that my most Loving Jesus will surly shower me with all of the Graces that I need to sustain such a magnificent province.
I miss you Gracie Ann...so much, that my beautiful gift of new life seems too long now.
I yearn for our family to be whole again. 

Though I am sad, please know how grateful I am that you are safe with our dear Jesus, as your infinite glory and honor for Him is His true delight each and every day.....from the day that He welcomed you Home and forever. 

Gracie Ann,
I love you with all of my heart and miss you terribly 

"I will be your God for all of your lifetime
I made you and will care for you
I will carry you along and be your Savior"
Isaiah 46:4
"You keep track of all my sorrows, Lord. You have collected all my tears in Your Bottle.
You have recorded each one in Your Book"
Psalm 56:8

Gracie Ann,
Your birthday just happens to fall on........
 Your Daddy and I realized this about 2 months before you were even sick......that your birthday fell this most fun day, and right at that moment, daddy and I both knew that from this birthday on.....we would celebrate you with a pancake feast!
It just seems to fit your joyful little soul so perfectly.

So, even though we are so saddened that we cannot be holding you anymore, we do know one thing, that will forever keep us smiling....
Each year, on February 27th......we will eat pancakes for our Baby Girl  
Our little pancake party PALES in comparison to what Heaven has in store for you today.
The kids and I were talking about what your Heavenly celebration might be like....of course the Glory of Heaven is way outside the realms of our earthly hearts, but it is surly fun to dream about it
Gracie Ann,
We are doing okay.  I LOVE talking to you each and every day....asking for your intercession for mommy, daddy, and your siblings
  Thank you for praying for us, as your sweet and innocent face is the joy of Heaven

I love you Gracie Ann and we praise Jesus for relieving you from this painful exile, even if it meant losing you.

But, through my mommy tears (I can hardly see right now, as I type), I will always and forever stand in total gratitude at the Most Beautiful Feet of Jesus for blessing us with you for almost 2 years, and then for sparing you from so much pain, as He carried you up to Heaven


I will love you my Jesus....
Today, tomorrow, forever and for all eternity
kerry ann

Wednesday, February 21


My Dearest Lord Jesus.....
My Father, my Savior,  my Beginning and my End, my Hero, my Daddy, my Everything
My heart is broken beyond repair.

It's been 12 days
It's raining
I don't think that I will ever feel true happiness again.  
I miss Gracie Ann so much....Please carry me, my Mighty Father, my Daddy....please oh please heal my wounds... 
This exile seems far too much for my weak and frightened and wounded heart to bear
I feel so empty inside
Oh, I miss her......I miss her so much, my little baby bunny...my little Gracie Ann
I know that You, Lord Jesus, are holding my Gracie Ann and that  she is so jovial and forever freed from pain and hardships....
...and I would never want to take that away from her. 
It is every mother's dream for her child
My Loving Jesus, Lord of all....
When You took Gracie Ann home with You, my humanness was so surprised......
I felt that Gracie Ann and I had so much more earthly glorifying of You to do, through her amazing life.
But as I am so little and I know nothing further than my impoverished earthly bubble can grasp.......Gracie Ann's God-given worldly mission was in fact
complete and perfect.
My Dearest Lord Jesus......
You took my most beautiful cross,
 of faithfully serving, and worrying about my precious little Gracie Ann .
And You exchanged it for an even more stunningly brilliant, but much heavier cross,
of having this little angel taken away from me
"Not my Will, but yet Your Will be done"
Mark 14:26

Dear Lord Jesus,
I know that You will carry me through this.  
I know that You will show me the way. 
I know that You will heal my wounds. 
I know that You will shower me with an abundance of Your Grace

I will praise You in this storm
I will love You with all of my heart
I will trust in You always
I will never turn away from Your most Beautiful Face
I will always choose You today, tomorrow, and forever until my very last breath has left my body
Because without You, Lord......to whom would I go?
I am Your's
Psalm 147:3
"He healeth the broken of heart, and bindeth up their wounds"
Psalm 6:2
"Have compassion on me Lord, for I am weak. Heal me Lord, for my bones are in agony"
Over 1100 people filled our Sanctuary to honor and praise our Lord
And to visit our tiny St. Gracie Ann at her Funeral Mass

We were and are so humbled by the support of all of the faithful souls, who lifted ourselves along with our little Gracie Ann up in Prayers with such love
Our entire house was filled with beautiful fragrance.....I cannot describe how powerful receving all of these gorgeous flowers, Masses, sympathy cards, yummy food, and prayerful love.....was to aide us in our survival through this time of agony.  
All of the prayers offered for us, are truly sustaining us

Msgr Hart gave a most beautiful and comforting Homily....
We are in awe of Msgr Hart's love for us, leading His flock home to Jesus, as our true and faithfilled Shepherd
"Our God"
By: Chris Tomlin

Water You turned into wine
Opened the eyes of the blind
There's no one like You
None like You

Into the darkness You shine
out of the ashes we rise
There's no one like You
None like You

Our God is Greater
Our God is Stronger
God You are higher than any other

Our God is Healer
Awesome in power
Our God, Our God

And if our God is for us
Than who could ever stop us
And if our God is with us
Than what can stand against 
And if our God is for us
Than who could ever stop us
And if our God is with us
Than what can stand against 
Dear Jesus,
I love You so much with everything that I have and with everything that I am.
I know and feel You carrying me and giving me every Grace that myself, Jeremy, and our children could ever need to get us through this.
Jesus, I trust in You
love, kerry ann

Thursday, February 15


I miss our Gracie Ann so much
(St. Valentines Cards set up for our little sweeties....trying to keep our house a place of peace and somewhat joyful)

My heart is absolutely unrecognizable in it's brokenness
(for St. Valentines Day, Jeremy bought me this teddy bear, and dressed it in some of our Sweet Gracie Ann's memories)
In only one hour we get to go and see our Sweet Gracie Ann for the first time since her death.  She will be all dressed up for her funeral Mass, which will take place tomorrow, and we will get to make sure that everything is just so.
My heart is filled with so much anxiety, as I cannot wait to see my perfect little baby, but I am so very afraid of what my heart will feel as my eyes first gaze upon her tiny cold face

My dear friend Larisa sent me this prayer (below) today and it just pierced to the depths of my soul, as it describes exactly what I am feeling.  
As Jeremy and I are totally broken inside and out, we are still able to breathe only because Jesus has filled us with His beautiful abundance of Grace.
He will never forsake us.....Ever

A Prayer for Those Who Carry A Cross
Oh my God, we thank you for this cross You have allowed us to carry. Please give us the strength and faith to persevere so that we may bring glory to Your Name while withstanding the burden of its weight. Thank You for offering us a share in Your Suffering. We know that You have always been, are now, and ever will be, at our side every step of the way. Thank You  also for every “Simon of Cyrene” that You have sent to help us bear this cross.
We have prayed so often that this thorn in our flesh would be removed but we trust that Your Grace is sufficient. Change our hearts’ troubled cry of “How long, O Lord?”...... into words of trust: “However long, O Lord”. May we seek only to do Your will and to unite our sufferings with Your Passion. Help us to not get lost in our own self concerns, but may we find in these trials, a way to greater virtue, a call to prayer, and a path to trust in You alone. Permit as not to waste our pain, but to make of the struggles, a sacrificial offering for others.
Lord, when we are weary and we fall, exhausted under the weight of this cross, please give us the courage to press on as You did. Lord Jesus, we embrace with love our cross, as a share in Your Own. By Your Grace, may we carry it all the way to the vision of Your Glory. We abandon ourselves totally to Your Will. Jesus Christ, we trust in You.
We love You so much my Dear Father,
Thank you for loving us so much as to entrust us with such a beautiful cross.
We will always continue to praise You for all of the opportunities that You give us to grow stronger in our faith and virtue as we grow closer to You
We promise to Honor and Glorify You today, tomorrow, and forever until we take our very last breath.
kerry ann and jeremy