Monday, February 27

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GRACIE ANN

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO OUR SWEET LITTLE GRACIE ANN
We love you so much and feel so blessed to have you as a part of our family!
You are a true gift from our Almighty God and we thank Him for you each and every day!

We stand in awe at the miracles that He has performed within you

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO OUR LITTLE BABY BUNNY

Saturday, February 25

GRACIE ANN IS HOME

GLORY BE TO THE FATHER AND TO THE SON AND TO THE HOLY SPIRIT
As it was in the beginning, it is now, and ever shall be, world without end, Amen

Through the prayers of all of the faithful frends and family storming Heaven for our little one, and because our Merciful Lord Jesus heard the beautiful cries of His children....and like a Most Loving Father would...He graciously answered them.....

GRACIE ANN IS HOME
Gracie Ann and her (very sweet) Daddy
Gracie Ann and her (very happy) Mommy


THANK YOU AGAIN, FOR ALL OF YOUR PRAYERS FOR OUR SWEET LITTLE GRACIE

Oh My Dear Father, we are truly and wholeheartedly grateful to You

Our Amazing and Mighty Creator has saved our precious little Gracie Ann and has brought our sweet little bunny home to us. We praise You Father for your most generous and perfect Love for us!  We will use each and every day to glorify You above all things!
Love, kerry ann 

You are Lord of lords 
You are King of kings 
You are Mighty God
Lord of everything 

You're Emmanuel 
You're the great I Am
You're the Prince of Peace
Who is the Lamb

You're the living God
You're my Saving Grace
You will reign forever 
You are ancient of days 

You are Alpha, Omega
Beginning and End
You're my Savior, Messiah
Redeemer and Friend

You're my Prince of Peace and I will live my life for You

-Michael W Smith

Wednesday, February 22

AN ABUNDANCE OF BLESSINGS

AN ABUNDANCE OF BLESSINGS
This time last year, BOY was my life different
THREE YEARS AGO
St. Gianna Molla was a Saint that I was introduced to me by my friend Gisele when I was pregnant with Isaac in 2014.
St. Gianna is a modern day saint (living in the 1960's)...She was a pediatrition and a mommy.  

St. Gianna Molla was 39 years old and pregnant with

her 4th baby......JUST LIKE ME!  And she was chronically ill.....JUST LIKE ME! And she was counseled against having her 4th baby for fear for her own life, JUST LIKE ME..... and she chose her baby's precious life over her own in April 1962.......I chose my little Isaac's precious life above my own life in 2014!!



St. Gianna Molla died 7 days after her baby was born

(a little precious baby girl, fittingly named Gianna Emmanuela....after her mother)

Unlike beautiful St. Gianna Molla, my Precious and Merciful Lord, Jesus allowed me to have Isaac and to keep my life

But back before this amazing outcome came to fruition.....I was really sick, pregnant with our fourth baby, and afraid...but feeling comforted, knowing that I was choosing Him above reason and above the world's view....
So, I knew that we couldn't go wrong, but nervous about what His Perfect Will might be for us....as our human-ness doesn't always understand His Perfect ways

So, anyway

(Jeremy always says that I am too wordy and go off on tangents, and I do struggle with this, so I am sorry)



During this scary time, my friend Gisele (introduced me to) by telling me all about St. Gianna and blessed me by allowing me to keep her holy card throughout my pregnancy.


St. Gianna was a saint that I admired from the very first time that I learned of her and she was an example of the kind of Christian mother that I wanted to be


I lived through Isaac's pregnancy, struggling with my health throughout, but all in all.....
Isaac was born healthy and perfect on March 29, 2014
I was struggling after he was born to keep up with my health and having a new baby
(so we slept a lot, as I was not feeling well at all...in this picture, I had a really terrible sinus infection)


 Exactly one month after Isaac was born (April 29th), at 6:30am
I stopped breathing, and was rushed to the hospital.  Jeremy was told that it didn't look good for me.  Family flew in and everyone stormed Heaven to save my life
 (I do not like this picture at all.....it is hard to look at, as it brings chills to my body, but I use it to glorify God, always remembering how far He carried me)
I was put on a ventilator for the first time

And hearing the cries of the faithful, my merciful Lord Jesus saved His undeserving child from death, when my life was spared.  God also saw fit to not only save His little girl, but to bring forward my health struggles that I had held as a private cross throughout my entire life.....for the world to see. And He was glorified!
I slowly healed, and we gave all of the glory to God

(I love this picture of me and my boys)



2015

ANOTHER AMAZING BLESSING

 Then in 2015, Jeremy and I were blessed with yet another baby.  We were over the moon with joy and so grateful to have been entrusted with another tine soul, making me a mommy of five!
I LOVE TO SAY THAT

(My friend Rhonda bought me this shirt as she new how excited I was to have five kids)



 At the same time as we celebrated, there was a very REAL fear for my health.  Some of our friends and family were even angry that we would put my life in danger yet again, after they had prayed so hard for me only one year earlier.  
It was a bitter cross to bear as we knew that the world would not understand.  We felt called to live always open to life and we knew that our Lord decided this for us, as He called us to another new and difficult journey. 
We faithfully knew that God would see us through and that He would be glorified through this precious child.
We tried our best to be obediant, but fearful of how He would see fit to be glorified through baby Gracie Ann.  Would His Will be to call her home to Heaven right away and/or would His Will  be to call me back to Heaven?
That was yet to be seen....so we prayerfully held tight to Christ and worked through the many health trials that I was going through at that time...everytime one of us would fear, the other would be strong!
God gave us the strength to lift up each other

In any outcome, we knew with everything in us, that He was in control....and His Will, whatever it may be, was what we truly wanted

The world knows SO LITTLE truth, but as humans, we are surrounded by it, and it is hard to always see beyond it.  This made hope so hard for us at times.
So we just went on....taking care of our 4 kids (especially our little Isaac..as I grew our 5th)

Isaac HATED that shark costume

Okay.....back to this LONG story

Jesus is NOT practical.....He is Divine!  He knows no time nor space, as He created and has command over ALL things!


It was a most beautiful cross to trust in Him, in spite of the human fear that we held deep in our hearts



One of many consolations that Jesus showered us with, was He constanty revealed His Most Beautiful Face to us in so many ways, reminding Jeremy and I that He was always with us



These pictures were taking almost exactly a year ago last week (February 6, 2016)
It's me and Gracie Ann  



ST. GIANNA REVEALS JESUS TO US

Wow, I AM wordy.....

I was pregnant with Gracie Ann and very sick, mostly bed-ridden and constanly in and out of the hospital!!  
Some wonderful friends of ours were hosting St. Gianna's daughter at their home, all the way from Italy where she lives!  
This is the daughter that St. Gianna sacrificed her life for!
Our friends were hosting a dinner for her, where she would speak about her life and mostly about her mother.
When we were so kindly invited to this blessed event to meet the daughter of a saint that was so near and dear to me.....
Pregnant again (now with our 5th baby) that the world said I shouldn't have....Jeremy and I wanted SO MUCH to attend and to meet her!  

The day of the dinner came and Jeremy and I knew that I wasn't well enough to attend (I had a lung infection and was on IVs at the time), so sadly Jeremy declined our invitation, with much gratitude that we were even invited.

Here is the most blessed part...

Our thoughtful friends who were hosting the dinner, told Gianna about why Jeremy and I could not come to meet her.....and she felt called to meet me!!

Totally undeserving "little me" was so very blessed by a visit (at our house) from the daughter of a very special Saint...

At first in tears, I told Jeremy to tell our wonderful friends David and Lisa that we could not except such a gift, as we are so undeserving

But our Lord humbled us, when she insisted on coming to meet our family, as it was reminisent of her mother's life

(She was never really knew her mother, as she died 7 days after Giana Emmanuela was born)


 St. Gianna Molla as well as her daughter Gianna Emmanuela are true examples of beautifully strong faith and also an example of loving without counting the cost.

We were very overwhelmed with excitment and gratitude to our friend who so graciously drove her over to our house, and we praised our Lord for surprising us with such an AMAZING blessing.

Our entire family all sat in awe as Gianna spoke of amazing stories of her childhood and of her mother's undying faith.

We could barley wrap my heads aound the fact that we were even in her presence!

WE simply sat at her feet with, just lstening to all that she had to say
And to think that the daughter of St. Gianna took the time to come and share such wonderful and blessed time with us.

It was defintiely our Lord revealing His most Holy Face to our family, comforting us to know that He is here with us and that He is in control.

That day we learned a lesson of gratitude and how we need to humbly except special gifts from our Lord, even if we do not feel worthy of them.

He is our Father and He can bless us however He wants to and He LOVES to bless His children!!
He loves to see us humbly except those blessings and praise Him above all!
Here is our family with Gianna Emmanuela....Isaac was unfortunately napping so he could not be in the picture. Gracie Ann is in the picture but hidden inside of my belly, still baking

We will never forget that day for as long as we live.  Gianna has been so gracious as to keep in contact with Jeremy, checking in on me and baby Gracie Ann as we went through, and contiue to experience struggles.
She is praying for her holy mother to intercede for our health....what a huge blessing to us.

God is just so good to us (as He is to all of His children....
 It is hard not be overwhelmed by such blessings.....our human-ness cannot always understand it sometimes.

It took me a year, as I was too nervous to share this amazing blessing because it seemed too huge and a bit presumptuous.
But our Lord kept tugging at my heart to stop making it about me and my fears, and to share His great Love for us and to present to the world yet another example of how He can make, what seems impossible....possible

AND HE WAS GLORIFIED

Thank You Lord Jesus for this great and undeserved blessing.  You give us so much strength and You continually reveal to us Your might and Your undying and perfect Love for us.  We love you, dear Lord Jesus

love, kerry ann

Monday, February 20

HE CARRIED HER THROUGH

HE CARRIED HER THROUGH

Picture #1 (last Monday)

Picture #2 (last Thursday)

Picture #3 (tonight)

"Jesus took the child’s father and mother and the disciples who were with Him, and went in where the child was. He took her by the hand and said to her, “Talitha koum!” (which means “Little girl, I say to you, get up!”). Immediately the girl stood up and began to walk around (she was twelve years old). At this they were completely astonished. He told them to give her something to eat"                                                                                                                                                                                                             

Mark 5:40-43

LITTLE BABY EYES

HER PRECIOUS BABY BLUES

She just opened her precious little eyes!! God is so good and Merciful to His fearful little daughter (me). For He knows that i so desperately need His constant and most loving comfort. Praise You my Father💗

GOD IS SO FAITHFUL TO US

God is so good and is always faithful to us… He loves His children PERFECTLY and He loves Gracie more than Jeremy and I have the ability to love her, because she belongs to Him.  Gracie Ann's surgery went so well!  Praise Jesus!! She just returned from recovery to her ICU room and is peacefully resting!! Jeremy and I constantly pray for God's holy Will to be done, and we are in grateful celebration that today His  Beautiful and perfect Will was a successful and smooth surgery for our little baby bunny.  
We will forever Praise You, dear Lord, in the good times.....and we will praise You in the storm… We love you Jesus with everything that we have yesterday today and forever!

Saturday, February 18

BEST DAY EVER

As Gracie Ann had a hard week......totally unforseen by both Jeremy and myself, we tried so hard to lay our worries at the Foot of the Cross and trust that God would carry us through this uncertain event.
Jeremy took Gracie Ann into the hospital to have a G-button (feeding tube) placed.  We had been prepared for this day, from the first day of her precious life.  She would eventually need to be fed through a tube as she would lose the ability to swallow, as her brain had been so damaged when we both stopped breathing.  We fed her orally for almost her entire first year and we saw that a a huge blessing!  We wanted to make sure that she was getting all that she needed, and as she slowly ate less and less food, we decided that the time had come to nurish her another way.
Jeremy took her to our amazing pediatrician, who wisely told us to go to Cook Children's ER, because as an inpatient, surgery would happen sooner than an outpatient, and Gracie had been on quite the food strike so time was of the essence.  
Jeremy took her to the ER, as I could not be anywhere near sick people.  It was difficult, but I knew that this was a good thing and a beutiful but painful suffering to offer up for Gracie Ann.

 While in triage at Cooks, Jeremy held Gracie Ann in his arms as the nurse was taking her vitals.  The nurse asked Jeremy if Gracie's heart rate ever ran low....We had never been told that before, but her heart rate plumited to 30 and as calm as this wonderful nurse could be, she immediatly called for help and a team of people took Gracie from jeremy and rushed her to another room.  They had to do chest compressions 3 times to revive her and a doctor quickly put Gracie Ann on a ventilator as she could no longer breath for herself.
Jeremy and I were absolutely shocked.....Gracie Ann was sleeping peacefully in Jeremy's arms and he could not have even guessed that her life was in so much danger.

Jesus is so faithful to His children and continually protects us in so many ways......as if Gracie Ann would have been home that evening, she would have surely died in her sleep!

The prognosis was very grim for her and while we fervently prayed for our little angel, we were still in disbelief that this was really happening.  We were simply going in for a feeding tube.

The next two days were the worst in my life.  I thought that I had experienced all of the pain that I could possibly bear when I was so sick, but that pain was not even close to the agony my heart felt watching Gracie Ann suffer.  A part of me was dying and I knew that God was protecting her, but I told Jeremy that as I always would choose God's Perfect Will over my own.....I didn't know if I would EVER be ready to say goodbye to her!  My heart broke into so many pieces, that is was unrecognizable!

First it was her heart rate, then her temperature, then her platelets, and then her seizures.....all of these were strikes against her fragile little body and there was no way for us to be able to save her from this.
And to top off all of this extreme grief....I was not allowed to be with her AT ALL.  Even jeremy and the kids would stear clear of me after they had been with her at the hospital.  They would have come home and head straight for the shower and put on clean clothes before seeing me, as there were SO MANY horrible viruses at the hospital!  Even Gracie Ann's intensive (ICU) doctor and the charge nurse took Jeremy aside and told them that I was NOT allowed to come up to see her.
This made my suffering multiply as I had to sit at home and worry and miss her.
She began to imporve and her ICU doctor and nurse so lovingly came up with a plan so that I would be able to see her.
They waited until Saturday, when there were no paitients in the outpatient building.  Moved Gracie Ann over to this other building, sterilized a room for me so that I could spend a few hours with my baby girl!  It was the best day ever.  The staff at Cook Children's went above and beyond for me and Gracie Ann, knowing that we needed each other to fully heal.

SATURDAY FINALLY CAME.....I COULD BARLY SLEEP FRIDAY NIGHT
All masked up and ready to see her......it seemed like it took an eternity (in my mommy's heart) for Gracie Ann to arrive. In reality it was only a couple of minutes
Our kids were so excited to see little Gracie Ann too....they had been able to visit her a little during the week (and of course Jeremy was with her everyday and night)...what a blessing to have all her family near (Madi could not come, but had been able to visit her more than the other three), but I secretly had no plans of sharing her VERY MUCH with anyone else.....but, I DID becasue I knew that it was the right thing to do, but jeremy and the kids allowed me to snuggle her the longest (They knew how much I had longed to even lay eyes on my tiny buttercup), and I just humbly (an excitedly) accepted that blessing from them, as it was complete and total extasy to my soul
She looked entirely precious in her sweet little wagon (she took up less than half of it).....as the family was snapping pictures (which I am so thankful to have now, to look at) I just wanted her in my arms AS SOON AS I COULD.....I just couldn't wait any longer to hold my baby girl....I was just shaking with anticipation!

I could barly hold my composeure as the nurse got her out of her little red wagon


She felt like Heaven in my arms.....I have missed her so much!
I always put my nose gently on hers and rub them together.....we have always done this with each of our chldren, but for Gracie Ann it is a most important way to connect, since she is special needs and doesn't really see well (at least we were told that) and I have faith that this is how she knows her mommy.
We call it a "nosy"
I never wanted to let her go....a mommy and her baby have a bond like no other.....she is my heart living outside of my body.  Some of her chemical makeup resides inside of my forever (as dose the make up of ALL five of my babies)
Isn't our Lord amazing how He does that...I always stand in awe of Him

BEST DAY EVER
JESUS THANK YOU FOR THIS SPECIAL EXPERIENCE, AS MY HEART HAS BEEN LONGING TO HOLD MY LITTLE ONE
LOVE, kerry ann


Tuesday, February 14

ST. VALENTINE'S FEAST DAY

ST. VALENTINE'S FEAST DAY BLESSINGS
 GOD IS AWESOME

 These are a few pics of Valentines set up for the kids the night before St.Valentines Day morning

This was an unexpectedly difficult St. Valentines Day, as Gracie Ann was admitted to the ICU and her daddy was at the hospital, right by her side
HOWEVER....
Despite the suffering on that Valentines day eve, It was a very BLESSED St. Valentine's Day as our Lord revealed His Most Beautiful Face to us, holding our family so close to Him

GOD REVEALED HIMSELF TO ME....
(As I worried terribly about my little Gracie Ann)  THROUGH MY SWEET SISTER, KELLEY
Who would have thought......God works through Google
(me and my sister)
As I was sick with worry about our sweet Gracie Ann, my sister told me about St.Valntine being the patron saint of people suffering with epilepsy/seizures......I NEVER knew that about St. Valentine!   
Thank you Jesus for showing us that You are with us
Thank you, to my sweet sister, Kelley, who loves me so much to allow our Lord to work through her, taking her time to comfort me with this information about St. Valentine.....the patron Saint for children/all people suffering with the very disease/condition that our little bunny is affected by, and was suffering with ON St. Valentine's Feast Day.  
It did not make my heart less broken for my baby, but it comforted me knowing that Jesus was with us and in control.....
(He is so merciful to reminding us of this constantly)
and for that, I was so very grateful to our Mighty Creator, Christ Jesus

VALENTINES DAY MORNING
I got up with the kids (feeling very broken, but still managing to smile) to wish them a Happy Valentine's Day before they left for school.
Jeremy was in the hospital with Gracie Ann, so the morning felt empty, as my baby Gracie Ann was not home, nor was my love and lifelong Valentine, Jeremy.

THEN...
Madison walked up to me and handed me a card.  I asked her what it was for and she simply said...
"It's for Valentine's Day, Mom"
I thanked her and opened up the card
It was odd that it was not in an envelope, but I didn't give that much thought as I opened it up to read it.

I quickly realized that the card was NOT from Madison, but it was from Jeremy
NOT ONLY WAS IT FROM JEREMY.....
But it was the Valentines Day card that Jeremy had given to me exactly 20 years ago on Valentines Day, February 14, 1997....when we were engaged to be married

How did God do this....
Well, Jeremy, the kids and I had gone over to my parent's house for a Sunday dinner two nights prior Valentine's Day, and the kids always love to search around my old childhood room for things from when I was younger......

NOT ONLY DID MADISON FIND AN OLD CARD FROM JEREMY (which there are many)
But of all of the cards that I have save over the year.....she found THE VALENTINE'S DAY card that was from exactly 20 years ago

YES.....
GOD IS THAT AMAZINGLY AND ABSOLUTELY LOVING AND TOTALLY AND COMPLETLEY AWESOMENESS PERSONIFIED
He just loves us so much that He set this most special gift in motion before we even knew what was to come

(He loves all of His children so very much....how blessed are all of us)

Thank You so much Jesus,for always showing us Your Beautiful love for us and for so mercifully holding our wounded hearts in Your Gentle Hands.
As we were hurting for our little baby girl.....we knew that Gracie Ann was safe in Your Mighty Arms on that beautiful Feast Day of St. Valentine.  
We love You so much today tomorrow and forever!
love, kerry ann
HAPPY ST. VALENTITNE'S DAY

Monday, February 6

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO OUR SWEET MADISON

HAPPY 17th BIRTHDAY TO MY BEAUTIFUL AND SWEET MADISON
 17 years ago today you made me a mommy for the first time!! What a blessing you are to me and to this world!! I have been Amazed by and cannot wait to see what our Lord has in store for you, baby girl!!

Look, I even found a picture of your birthday cake from one decade ago on your 7th birthday....I cannot believe how long it's been. 
YOUR DADDY AND I LOVE YOU MADI-BEAR.....WITH ALL OF OUR HEARTS💗