Monday, May 23


(I just found this letter to Jesus from 2 years ago)

My Dear Jesus,

Behold Lord, I am Thy little handmaiden, Timidis Autem Agnus (fearful little lamb)

Lord, You always treat me with the same love and graciousness as though I were already made pure.  I cannot tell you how greatly I desire to regard others in that same way.  Heal my wounded and human heart so that I can see others the way that You see them through Your beautiful and Perfect Loving eyes.

My Lord, You purposefully allow me to be brought into contact with the bad and evil things that You want changed.  Perhaps that is the very reason why I am here in this world, where sin and sorrow and suffering and evil abound, so that I may let You teach me how to react to them, so that out of them you can create lovely qualities that live forever.  That is the only really satisfactory way of dealing with evil, not simply binding it so that it cannot work harm, but whenever possible, overcoming it with good. 

Every circumstance in life, no matter how crooked, distorted, and ugly it appears to be, if it is reacted to in love, forgiveness, and obedience to Your Will, can be transformed into something beautiful. 

Even though I may face evil and suffering, I know that You will be there with me.  I trust in You and I am humbled that You would work through me in this way. I love You with all of my heart.  I pray that I will continue to transform evil into good, with Your guidance and strength, until I take my very last breath and I pray that I will always remain close to You all of the days of my life.  I yearn to be Your true delight, my Jesus.  I love you
kerry ann

Monday, May 16


(I love when our Lord speaks to me through His most holy servants....Of course Jesus knew exactly what I needed to hear (read) today....When hope seemed so distant from me)

How could I have ever even questioned.....He has already demonstrated this to me so many times in so many ways

"He is the Creator.  He who did, alone can undo.  He who made, alone can destroy.  He who gave nature it's laws, alone can change those laws.
He who made fire to burn, food to nourish, water to flow,  and iron to sink.  He ALONE can make fire harmless, food needless, water firm and solid and iron light.

Man is powerful only by means of nature. God uses nature as His instrument. God has no need of nature in order to accomplish His Will.  He works His great work, sometimes by means of nature, and sometimes without nature, as it pleases Him"
-Blessed John Henry Newman

Dear Gracie Ann,
Even though the world doesn't understand how you are even possible, we know that Jesus Christ has the supreme control over all.  He willed you to be born in the midst of distress, when daddy was told that you would surly die.... and now (as you beat all of the odds) our Lord is Willing you to continue amazing all that gaze upon your sweet face, as you reflect His true Glory.  We count down the days until you can be home with us.  We love you so much.

( are my sweet Baby Bunny)

Lord God, You have command over ALL things!  You are mighty and know no boundaries!
Please bring our sweet Gracie Ann home soon....Oh how my heart aches without her near me, Jesus.  How long until my heart will be satisfied? 
As my head lays heavy in my hands, I am comforted by You and Your goodness and love for Gracie.  You love her more than my disordered human heart ever could, as Gracie was Yours first.  She is Your creation and because of that, I have nothing to fear.....My next breath resounds..."Jesus, I trust in You"
Above all, we pray that Your most Holy and Perfect Will be done...We know that You have big plans for Gracie Ann in Your perfect timing. 
Help us to stay faithful as we wait to see Your plan unfold

Sunday, May 15


A letter to my Jesus from the bottom of my soul
Dear Jesus,
You have spoiled me beyond my own imagination.  I am overwhelmed with humility at the thought of Your love for me.  You have showered me with gift after gift after gift....I am unworthy of all of this but You bless me still, because I am Yours.
You love me so much that my heart dances with joy!

I feel You carrying me SO intimacy unlike I have ever experienced.  When I was in agony, I called to You...I screamed Your name, and You did not come.......but it was because, You were already there!  When I opened my eyes after crying, I found that I was already in Your Arms with my head resting on Your Chest.  I could smell Your sweet Scent and it comforted me.  I couldn't bear it, so You bore it for me.  
Then I was in scary places.  I was experiencing hallucinations as I was in and out of consciousness and saw places where horror and fear surrounded me.  I thought that I might be at the Foot of the Cross, but I looked up and I was far down below it (for what it seemed).  As much as I desired it, I could not reach high enough to touch it!  It was very dark and there was almost nothing there except I could hear in the distance, a strange and repetitive rhythm (similar to the blow of a foghorn) and there was a very thick presence of fear and emptiness.  I was so afraid...I was terrified and I didn't see You.  I just knew that wherever I was, was too horrible a place for Your Perfection and Love!  I sensed that the cold and dark emptiness was a lack of Your presence. I thought for a moment "This must be how it feels without God!"
I knew for sure that You weren't there because I looked all around to find You, but somehow, even though my human eyes couldn't see Your Holy and Beautiful Face, my hand was always in Yours.  Of course You would be there.....there is no place that You do not have total command over.
I am sorry that I ever for even one brief moment, feared that You had left me.  This, even momentary lack of faith, feels like burns all over my soul.  I am truly ashamed.  You have showered me blessings and graces and I still continue to fall.
In the midst of all of the fear, I renew my undying commitment and devotion to You, Father. 
 If it be Your Will, please deliver me from this suffering, but if You desire more.....
Lord Jesus......Your Will be done
Just as You see it
The way that You want it
As long and You desire it
I am so grateful to have You moving and working within me
I love You
kerry ann

Tuesday, May 10


I am beginning to feel a little better everyday. It is hard to know what exactly to say or where to start, so for now, I will just be thankful

I get to come home tomorrow and I know that it was all of the prayers storming Heaven for me....So many people lifting me up.....I cry as I am overwhelmed with gratitude.  I am most undeserving, but I feel so blessed that my Merciful Jesus heard these cries and carried me through
(This is how I imagine our Lord as He holds His tired and weak little

After 76 days in the hospital, with my sweet love, Jeremy by my side (he took care of me and NEVER left me for the entire 76 days) we will finally get to be home with our kids as well...oh how my heart has ached being away from them.  Unfortunately, Baby Gracie Ann (although we praise God that she is doing so well) will not be discharged from the NICU until next week, but then all 7 of us will finally be home together again, as it should be.
If I can keep from getting sick, I can remain on in-home isolation as I wait for my new lungs. Right now, I am number two on the transplant list.  To sum it up:

I am happy
I am thankful
I am humbled
I am prayerful
I am terrified

Lord Jesus, I know that You will lead me through this time of healing and as I approach the seemingly steep mountains in the distance
I continue to pray that Your holy and perfect Will be done:
Exactly as You desire it
And for as long as You desire it

You are my everything....without You, I am nothing
Lord, I will always love You with my entire heart and soul
I am Yours

Monday, May 9


I am posting this letter that Madison wrote to Kerry on Mother's Day

Dear Mommy,

I know that I didn’t get to spend your special day with you, but I hope that you know how much I love you and miss you, and wish that I could’ve been there with you today. The past 70 days have been long and trying, but I know that there is a reason for all of this….it’s things like this that you taught me, like how to see God in everything, and to always trust that He does in fact have a plan, no matter how crazy it may seem. 

I see a less-impressive “you” in myself, as I strive to reach the perfection you model for me to be, every single day. Especially now, without you at home, I try so hard to follow your amazing and virtuous example. 

I could never really explain to anyone the terrible pain I felt 70 days ago as I was told that I may never speak to you again… was like everything inside me broke down as I wondered how I could go on without you. You’re everything to me. You’re not only a wonderful mother, but also my best friend…..I couldn’t imagine life without you. I remember sitting in that wretched hospital waiting room for hours, silently sobbing to myself all night long as I hoped and prayed, and realized how much nothing else really mattered. I finally understood what you meant whenever you told me that material things don’t matter….they don’t last forever. I felt so silly for whining and complaining about all the little things that I do every single day. I finally saw that what really matters in the end is family and faith, and because of that, I have a new outlook on life itself.

I know I can never be the perfect daughter you deserve, but I promise to try to be as close to that as I possibly can be! You’ve put up with me during good and bad times for over 16 years now, and you’ve been such an amazing role model for me to follow, and I’m sorry that I’ve taken that for granted! 
I can’t even write enough to sum up exactly how I feel and all that I want to say, but please just know that I love you so so so much, mom! I can’t imagine my life without you! Thank you for all that you do for me, especially being my best friend! 

Happy Mother’s Day!

“Madi Bear”

Friday, May 6


Madison could not have been blessed with a finer and more handsome date than Luke.  He was such a gentleman and made my little baby feel like a true princess.

 I was in the hospital, heart broken to not be at home helping Madison get ready.  God provides, as He always does, and sent beautiful people to love my kids when I was far away.  Jeremy's mom took Madison to get her hair and makeup done and then helped her get ready and Luke drove Madison up to the hospital on their way to the prom(which was really OUT of their way) so that I could see them all dressed up for this magical evening!  He brought me flowers and thanked Jeremy and I for letting him take Madison to the prom.  They had the best time!  What a night to remember for sure!

Here are a couple of random Prom selfies

Thank you Lord Jesus for making this Prom night so perfectly special for my Madison
I know that You love her more than my human heart ever could and that You love to shower her with gifts and Graces
I am so grateful for Your merciful blessings
I love you, Jesus