I have to balance the worldly with the spiritual. Sometimes what the world tells you, needs to be put into perspective. That is where LENT comes in. During lent we purge our hearts of worldly things to make more room in our hearts for Jesus! Lent is a wonderful gift that our holy church gives us to regroup and recenter on eternity....which is in EVERYONE'S future, whether we accept it or not. With that said, I know that our Lord is calling me to die to myself and take on a new/old cross....what?? It is a cross that I carried before, but gave up (that is why it is "old") and now it is "new" because I am 2 years further in my life and we are constantly changing each day.
We started at Catholic school and then became a Catholic homeschooling family for 3 years and then returned to Catholic school 2 years ago. I love our wonderful school, but I cannot ignore the tugging on my heart to have my children schooled at home. When weighing the pro's and con's about homeschooling, the ONLY con to homeschooling was "the cross part" MY stress level (wondering whether the kids were learning enough and/or being taught the right things)! While homeschooling, my heart was a bit of a mess worrying all of the time. I evolved from "trust" in our Lord to take care of them, to all out fear of messing them up! Putting them back into school was for their own good! It is a wonderful school and Jesus is there, everyday and in every classroom (as I have blogged about often). Homeschooling was always there knocking, and during this wonderful Lenten journey of 2011 preparing for the celebration of Christ's resurrection, I had time to really discern my ministry on this earth.
Knowing that our Lord was calling our family to more, one day (about 6 months ago), I went tearfully to my Love (Jeremy) and told him that I thought that we were called to sell all that we had and become missionaries. I explained that our children were not being formed enough and we were being called to something more faithfully extreme in life! Jeremy, being a true child or God (and a strong spiritual leader for our family), agreed and we talked about it a lot. We spoke of near future plans to make this happen. We continued to pray for our Lord's perfect Will and both started thinking back to homeschooling. BUT, we did not know that the other was thinking the same.....That is why Christ is so amazing!! I have been restless for awhile with my life knowing that changes needed to come, but just did not know what....or at least did not want to accept what needed to be done. Don't get me wrong, I LOVED homeschooling. We had such a close family life that was very relaxed and filled with adventure. BUT I did not want that stress back that I had relieved myself of 2 years ago (BTW..not doing the Will of God also puts stress on the heart too). God gave me the Grace and courage to at least open up the idea of homeschooling, beyond my heart (where it was hidden). The day I finally got up enough courage to tell Jeremy what was heavy on my heart, he surprisingly said that he had been thinking about it too! Are you kidding!?!? We had been connected this whole time, as I felt so alone! Why am I so stubborn !?! I guess that I just love our school (St. Elizabeth Ann Seton), I love our friends, and I love my life (except for the unrest that I was ignoring).
Well, after many discussions of practicality and spirituality, we know that homeschooling is what our Lord wants for our family. He wants us to be missionaries, but right in our own home!! Tears filled my eyes all that day that we finalized our decision and still come to the surface when I, again celebrate our "yes" to Him! What relief our soul experiences when we give in!! There is such joy when we fulfill our Lord's desires! I hope to make them the smartest kids ever, but keeping in mind that we are homeschooling for eternity! We want our children to be holy and happy (which go together)! Our job in this life is to get their little souls back to their true Father...our Father! As a family, we will continue our journey toward Him and hopefully encourage a love for learning, enriching their minds academically, as we fill their hearts with love of God!
At least homeschooling will give me some new material for the Blog!! God Bless you all!
