Tuesday, December 15


To my dear children...Madison, Savannah, Nicholas, Isaac, and Gracie Ann

(I feel convicted to write down some lessons that I am learning as I journey through life, so that you can look back at them and really know your mommy's heart)

I have always prayed first and foremost, before all else, for God to transform me into something that gives Him true delight!

In the conversations that I've shared with each of you in the past few weeks....this question seems to be burdening your delicate hearts.  Please allow me to express what I have been inspired with, through prayer about your concerns

Suffering seems so hard and pointless at times, my sweet babies (but ONLY to the world)  Suffering is the most valuable refining that a soul can experience.  I promise you this!  Jesus could have redeemed every soul on earth with the simple snap of His Mighty Fingers, BUT He did not...He chose to suffer as an example to us of how we will grow in holiness.

EVERYONE has suffering.  Even more amazing is that....everyone has the suffering that Christ custom made just for them.  Nobody's suffering is harder or easier...because it is the PERFECT suffering for that soul!
(This sounds odd as you look at the pain that people are experiencing all around this world)

Take comfort in knowing that Jesus has promised that along with your customized cross, you will receive ABSOLUTELY EVERY GRACE that you need to carry it!!  It is NOT our strength but His.....remember that He is a perfect Father....as He will NEVER forsake you...but He is also a perfect Gentleman......so nor will He EVER force Himself upon you!
(Don't ever turn away from His graces and always continue to ask Jesus for those special graces that He has waiting for you)

We have to ask for the Graces that He has ready for us....please don't ever forget that, and please take rest and comfort knowing that you will NEVER be given more than you can handle....Better yet....you will never be given more than CHRIST can handle.....for He is waiting for you to lay all of your burdens down at His Precious Feet.
What mom and Jesus have been discussing.....
(Well....He's doing most of the talking as I TRY and stay quiet enough to listen)

(Oh my goodness, my little ones.....Jesus continues to amaze me time after time.... a lot of my conversations are private but some I feel called to share with you.....I love you)

Dear Jesus...I beg of you to love me as I am.....BUT too much to leave me this way.  I feel You working in my soul as the most gifted Refiner.  You place an ordinary rock into a fiery furnace to purify it and transform it into a most precious stone
For precious stones are hidden inside of ordinary rocks, but it is only after these ordinary rocks are stripped of all of their impurities, that their true brilliance can shine through.
Jesus, You know me through and through, and You know what impurities covers the true greatness that is, Your Own Image, radiating from inside of me.

The value that I give to myself has always been rather worldly.  I am a devout Catholic Christian, a mom, a wife, a sister, a daughter, a friend, a volunteer, a homemaker....all of these vocations and callings are titles that I have associated with myself.  I have worn these titles, thinking that through them, I could please my Lord, by honoring Him and leading others to Him.  I fall short of this duty often, but try to get back up and fulfill my calling as a daughter of Christ.

In my conversations with Him, He has given me tools to help me fulfill this calling and He has given me consolation that He is pleased when I follow Him with my entire heart.

I have been called to a new chapter now....one, that in my humanness, I did not expect, but as my eyes are SLOWLY opening....seems very fitting (did I ever doubt that He knows best...)

Through prayer.....MUCH fervent prayer, begging for understanding, I am (only just) beginning to absorb all that He is revealing to His little girl.....me.
Jesus, You are great and mighty and you are stripping me of my earthly identity.  I have recently pondered why I have been seemingly called away from my vocations....The vocations that I THOUGHT pleased You most.  I have been unable to fulfill what I saw as my mission...at first I saw this "cross of inability" as a special temporary sacrifice and a refocus on quiet time and prayer......and it was, but now I see more of the complete picture.
You are purifying my soul of pride.  
I know that all of the good that I do is You working through me.  It was NEVER me at all.....but there is a definite joy attached to pleasing You, of course, as well as a joy that is attached to pleasing You, through other people.  Sometimes our human temptation can turn these joys into a sort of pride.
 If I am to have a completely purified soul, I have to allow myself to be freed from this temptation.

As I sit (day after day....month after month) in need of help from everyone around me....especially my family, I am being humbled further and further until by earthly standards, I am not very valuable anymore.  It seems that when things start to turn up and my old life glimmers on the horizon, it is short-lived and I return to my neediness.
I pleaded with You for direction in this suffering. I asked You if my children would remember me being able to be an active and energetic mommy.  Will they remember me leading groups that they are involved in, volunteering at their school, even homeschooling them?  Will they remember me chasing them around the yard, playing active games with them, carrying them around?  Will they remember me taking them places, throwing them birthday parties, surprising them with their favorite meal or with a visit to a favorite place of theirs? Even more so, will they remember a time when they were got to be the complete focus.....and that what they could or could not do, did not ALWAYS HINGE on me and my limitations?
Lord, will they remember being the center of my attention?  Will they remember me serving others instead of always being served?
Oh Jesus, I have promised to give You all that You ask for, at ANY cost.  So many times, I have felt that I had come close to fulfilling a specific mission for You and then You call me to walk with You still further.
As I grab onto Your beautiful Hand, I am honored and I "will" myself to offer to go, as far as You "will" for me to go.
As You mercifully reveal to me, glimpses of Your plan, I am able to see You gently and slowly (as a loving Father always does) stripping away my earthly value and completely humbling me enough to see that my true value lies in Your beautiful Eyes.

I am called a wife, a mother, a daughter and a friend in this world, and I will continue to glorify You through all of these vocations
But the way that I define "glorify" is human and the way that You define "glorify" is truly divine...... Please help me to glorify You as YOU define it...not me
(please Lord, help me to be better at glorifying You as I am struggling with holiness)

These earthly titles are only subheadings to the title of my entire existence......my TRUE and eternal title.......Yours
I am Yours
However You want me....however You see me....whatever You will for me
I am Yours

My five precious little darlings....You are His
That is all...........and that is absolutely everything!

Don't place an earthly value on your invaluable soul.  Jesus Christ loves you and He created you just the way that He wanted you.  Even if you do not understand your sufferings or why He is leading you in a certain direction.....Just Will yourself to follow.....Always follow Him even if you are following Him blindly, because honesty, no matter how much we think that we see.....in our human-ness, we really do not see even a slightest portion of the truth

How will you know if you are truly following Him?
Perceiver in prayer and practice
Pray fervently and practice your faith always.  The benefits are not always tangible but are always promised

Jesus, I Trust in You
Love, mom