Saturday, February 9

THE ABSOLUTE WORST MOMENT OF MY LIFE (contemplating Gracie Ann's last day, 1year later)

THE TEXT THREAD BETWEEN JEREMY AND I 
DURING GRACIE ANN'S LAST BLESSED HOURS WITH US ON EARTH
February 8, 2018 (8:00pm)
Jeremy was diagnosed with the flu, so he was staying out at our lake house until he was no longer contagious. He was coming into town the next morning for a meeting



 February 9, 2018 (8:00am)
Gracie Ann woke up with in a seizer with an extremely high fever
(which had happened often throughout her life)
I gave her a cool bath....Jeremy came home as I finished bathing her. Gracie Ann's breathing was shallow and she just didn't look good. We were both afraid
Jeremy called 911
I sat in the ambulance with Gracie Ann and prayed, as the EMT tried to get a line in her tiny arm to start an IV.....he just could not get a line, I kissed her and made a little cross on her forehead and they had to leave....Jeremy went with her
(10:29am first update from Jeremy)













Job 1:21
"Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked shall I return. The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away; Blessed be the Name of the Lord"

THAT MOMENT WAS THE ABSOLUTE WORST MOMENT OF MY ENTIRE LIFE
But as my heart was truly shredded into 1,000,000 pieces, in that very same single moment of my true agony was....


THE ABSOLUTE MOST AMAZING MOST SENSATIONAL AND MOST JOYFUL MOMENT OF GRACIE ANN'S
Luke 23:43
"Truly I say to you (Gracie Ann), today thou shalt be with Me in Paradise"

I can only imagine.....

******************************
I can only imagine.....what that moment might have been like for Gracie Ann, when she gazed into the most Beautiful and Loving Eyes of her Heavenly Father for the very first time..
What did He say...
What did He look like...
What did His Mighty Arms feel like when they embraced Gracie Ann so tightly....
did she rest her head on His Chest...
could she hear the beating of His most Sacred Heart...
How did He smell...
What did His Voice sound like when He told her that He Loved her...

Oh my Dear Jesus,
my heart aches in brokenness, as i am longing for my little Gracie Ann.
but i know that Gracie Ann was never mine, but Your's Jesus. i will be forever grateful to You, for the immense blessing of being chosen to be the mother of this precious baby girl.
Thank You for sharing her with me and with this world...and thank You for taking her home to Heaven  with You to Adore You and Glorify You for all of eternity.

I love You Jesus and i trust in You....yesterday, today, tomorrow.....without question, without counting the cost, with all of my heart and with all of my soul and with everything that I have, and with everything that i will ever be...
no matter what.....I choose You, because You made me for Yourself.
i love You
i promise never to turn away from You
please never ALLOW me turn away from You 
for i know that i am little and i am weak and i am afraid
please carry this cross for me.....
JESUS I TRUST IN YOU