At times of suffering, it is easy to see Christ there with me, like a Gentle and Loving Father, holding His little daughter. Reading these words of Blessed Mother Theresa, give me so much joy and peace. Of course with Christ comes His Blessed Wounds.....He tells His apostles this in Sacred Scripture!! Why would I expect anything different? It doesn't mean that suffering is always palatable, without some tears and sorrow.
Suffering can be so painful and hard to understand, but I see it's unmistakable value in my relationship with our Lord and with the world. Suffering reminds me that our earthly minds/bodies are broken and imperfect in so many ways and that this life is SO limited in time and space.
I have been feeling ashamed to admit that it makes me sad to think that some of my sufferings are only to worsen as time goes on and are not expected to get better while on this earth.
Because I am so human and can only wrap my head around a little bit of what I see and know as a little child, it is hard for me to be totally okay with the idea that some of my crosses last a lifetime. I am not talking about a suffering of illness in this case. I am talking about a different kind of suffering...one that is very painful to my heart and to my soul. It is a suffering that is effecting someone that is so dear to my heart, that my heart breaks every time I think about him.
I am ardently praying to see the virtue that our Lord is wishing for me to practice in this situation. I have faith that He is with me. I have faith that it is His Strength, not mine.....Thank God, right?!? I feel like a baby, having a fussy fit......whining about what is happening because I cannot make it better for myself.....I, like a baby, only see the reality of my feelings....not anything beyond the end of my own nose.
There is an entire world around me, but I can only see what I grasp in my hands. Our Lord, like a tender Daddy, sees way more than His baby girl does, as He rocks me in His lap. He sees things way beyond where my under-developed eyes can see. What does He see...... He sees Heaven! He knows that this world is absolutely a speck compared to Eternity. He knows that one day, my eyes will be opened and I will understand everything! He cannot wait for that day, as He sees me sadly struggling with my limited knowledge (as all of us mommies and daddies do with our children)
Jesus, I know that you do not want to see me hurting, and I want You to know that as I am hurting, I realize that there is more than I can see. I want You to know, Dear Jesus, that I love You with all of my being, and that I trust You with everything. I will try and be strong to prove to You how much I am trusting in You. I will try not to question my crosses, and I have faith that this very beautiful and special cross is one that will sanctify me and bring me closer to You...my Life's Delight!! I am sorry that I cry, but it just hurts so much, Father. I feel You with me in my tears, in my confusion, every step of the way. Please Dear Father, guard me from any doubt that You are here with me....I SO don't want to disappoint You in that way....not when it really matters this much (in these difficult times of suffering)
As I am writing this post, I just realized that I have always prayed to long for that of Heaven and to let go of things of this earth, I see You answering this prayer as You are showing me the aires of this life and teaching me to grasp Heaven with all of my heart. With this suffering, I have no choice, if there is to be any hope for mending my pain.....Thank you Jesus for revealing this to me
Love, your little child, Kerry
I want to share a quote (below) that comes from a blog that I read a few years ago written by a very courageous girl who was fighting an illness. These words have given me so much strength and have rang true so much in my own life.....She is in Heaven with Jesus now.....
"Once upon a time, a plain and ordinary girl was asked by the God that she so desperately loved, to walk through a long and hot fire.....And He was with her every step of the way"
I absolutely cannot read that without my eyes filling with tears.....it touches the very core of my soul, for I know that each blessed word rings true in my heart!!
I love you my Dearest Jesus....my Delight