We may forget someday how important this summer was for our family, so here are some thoughts that I want to share that I was inspired with during my prayer time
I often reflect on how my Jesus is stripping all of my earthly vanity from me, leaving only the innocent soul that He created on the day that He formed me in His Hands, and that thought comforts me and fills me with joy, as I desire with all of my heart to even somewhat resemble the pure being that He breathed life into on the very first day of my existence.
As I have learned....my Lord is a Lord of never ending surprises, and just when I think that I have figured out the meaning of my journey, He reminds me of my smallness and exactly how much I CANNOT see, which is an overwhelming thought, but somehow when I faithfully follow blindly, He always assures me that I am safe.
Christ has so mercifully allowed me to learn more and more about Him, while at the same time, not allowing me to "figure Him out". For my lacking human heart could never incapsulate all that is Him.....not even a small sliver of His True Loveliness
Jesus has again asked me for another sacrifice/gift, that was really His in the first place....my hair. My hair has fallen out of my head. To be perfectly honest, it did not really bother me much, because I knew that this was the perfect sacrifice for our Lord (as anyone who knows me, knows how much I love my long hair) My doctor said that my hair loss was due to all of the stress, medications, and malnutrition that I have experienced over the past months.
I am so grateful that Jesus has blessed me with a family who uplifts me over and over again no matter what.
I am quite certain that I do not resemble Barbie (not even a little bit) and that my children do in fact see a difference and that it may even leave their fragile hearts unsettled at times, but I pray that my children recognize me by my heart.....as I share my thoughts with them and how I care for my precious children as the mommy that they have always known. I pray that my children will recognize my soul before they recognize my face. My broken down outer shell has given me the opportunity to reiterate how lacking this world is. How bruised and broken our human bodies are and how perfect Heaven will be.
They are learning so much through this experience and I am ashamed to admit that there are times (a lot of times) that I despair over being the cross that our family has been asked to carry. My anguish over being such a burden to my family is truly my ugly vanity rearing itself in my soul and so I continually ask our Lord to deliver me from my despair and to help me embrace this beautiful cross that He has so mercifully chosen for me. What an honor I have been given!
When I am despairing and greatly overwhelmed, I can literally feel my physical body suffocating in fear...... at these moments, Jesus reminds me with His most beautiful gentle whisper that all I need to do at that moment is to love my family with all of my heart and to be the wife and the mommy that I was called to be....but in this new way, different from the wife and mommy I was called to be before. Things are much different now and slowly but surly Jesus is showing me what this new vocation looks like. All I want to do is to please Him
WHAT'S GOING ON TODAY
The girls and I got to have an impromptu girls movie party last night. Isaac and Gracie Ann were down for naps and Nicholas and daddy had gone out for the evening. It was great! We piled up on the bean bags and downstairs couch and watched a funny chick flick....and giggled a ton! Madison actually stopped by the Granbury movie theater to pick up movie popcorn, cokes, and candy......It was a totally authentic movie party from beginning to end....only better because we had all of the luxuries and treats, but we got to be at home with no crowds of people!
What can I say about the boat......The kids love it! They could tube, wakeboard, surf or ski around the lake all day long! This is Isaac's first summer on the tube and now he doesn't want to do anything else.....he wakes up in the morning and goes to bed at night talking about "da boat" as he pronounces it! We officially have a 4th water baby in the family
Jeremy, the kids, and I have been blessed with lots of rest time together during our summer days at the lake. Lots of time just talking and hanging out. I loved sitting on the back deck drawing and visiting with my kids the other morning.....and Isaac is ALWAYS around to make us laugh. Oh how much Jesus has blessed me with this time for our family to bond. I am soaking up all I can of my children, before I am called away again for my new lungs.....which will be such a long awaited blessing, but one that takes me away from my family again.....I am already grieving this time, as my children need their mommy and this mommy needs her children.
My sweet little Isaac LOVES his naps! He is so snuggly and I just love that! I could snuggle him all day. When he is not snuggling, he is a little firecracker with an incredible zeal for life and he brings a joy to our family that only a little one could bring!
When I hold her against my heart, she is immediately calmed and falls fast asleep