MY FIRST MASS
My weekend blessings actually started on Thursday morning, when Jesus invited me to attend my first Mass in over a year.
(What a beautiful way to be greeted on this beautiful day)
Jesus always works in mysterious ways, continually surprising His daughter by showering her with gift after gift after gift!! He is the most generous Father when it comes to His children
And I am such a Daddy's girl
Through a number of extremely odd circumstances, I left the house Thursday morning to take Nicholas to school with street appropriate clothes on (not jammies) and shoes on, instead of my slippers 😀
Usually, Nicholas helps me load Isaac and Gracie Ann into the car and we drive Nicholas to school. After I drop him off, me and the two little ones head for the Starbucks drive thru to pick up yummy coffees for myself and our nanny, and I always order a slice of banana bread for Isaac.
It is our daily routine and I love nothing more than sweet little traditions with my kids
(each night when I put Issac down to sleep, we talk about how we will get banana bread the next morning)
(We love our Starbucks dates......Isaac calls it "Starbuts")
YES!! I have a problem......I don't like to think of it as an "addiction" to my "Quadruple Shot Venti Hot White Mocha, made.....Breve"
I like to think of it as my daily "battery power"
ANYWAY, that day......
After I picked up our Starbucks, Jesus so gently invited me to Mass, by filling my heart with courage to drive over to the church (I was not sure whether this desire was coming from my heart or from our Lord's Sacred Heart)
I started my drive with trust in my heart, but not knowing whether I would truly go inside or not. I still have not gotten the blessing of my transplant doctors to attend Mass, but a daily Mass is very sparse with people (much safer when it comes to viruses) and not truly being fully prepared, daily Mass is always shorter, so that helped greatly, having Gracie Ann and Isaac to tend with, on my own.
I parked my car with STILL no promises to myself as to whether we would make it inside (I honestly was so afraid, being by myself without Jeremy) that I honestly didn't think we would go in at that point) I was starting to panic a little, thinking that I would just drive home.
Like The Gentleman that He is, Jesus so lovingly broke this huge undertaking into smaller and more palatable pieces....as He whispered into my heart...
"kerry, do not be afraid......just get out of the car"
So I did what He told me to do
not allowing myself to anticipate going inside yet
Jesus then whispered,
"kerry, unstrap Isaac from his carseat and put Gracie Ann in her kangaroo pouch"
Which is a job in itself, as that pouch is quite complicated, but I did it and I got her to fit into it perfectly..I have always loved "wearing" my babies
"kerry, do you feel Gracie's warmth against your chest....can you hear her gentle breaths?" "Look how cute Isaac looks (in his footie pajamas and cowboy boots) as he steps out of the car babbling something about going inside of the church."
Isaac did look rather funny, but it was a beautiful humility for me, as I had to offer it up and realize that I was just a struggling new mommy
I stood there looking at the car
Jesus whispered...."Do not be afraid....I am your Father and I love you."
I took Isaac by the hand and closed the car door and just stood there for a second stairing at the Sanctuary doors in the distance, still deciding what to do
"Come into My House and lead your little ones by hand" "I am with you and this is good"
I felt a calm come over me as I couragiouly walked down the long sidewalk towards the doors.
A smile came over my face, as I felt Gracie cuddled against me and Isaac's tiny hand inside of mine.... but little did I know that my pride as a mommy was about to take take a major hit, as Isaac exclaimed....
"Mommy, I am cold"
(it was only 37° that morning and I did not have a coat in the car for him) but I had to put my silly pride aside.
I took a deep breath, smiled, and said,
"Baby, let's walk a little faster because it will be much warmer inside of the church."
(luckily, I had a blanket to put over Gracie Ann)
I walked into the church, with Jesus by my side (as He always is, but I forget that sometimes when I feel afraid)
Well......we got to go to Mass! It was awesome. It's been over a year since my last Mass!!
I saw Nicholas as I walked in to the Sanctuary. He was looking back towards the door, and tears welled up in his baby blue eyes as I walked in.
I sat there in the very back pew, holding Gracie Ann, with Isaac grasping my hand. I was just taking it all in.....sitting at the feet of my Father. Feeling so safe as I intently listened to the beautiful and inspired words of our Lord, through the Scriptures.....as I was being filled full with peace and comfort.
What an enormous blessing bestowed upon me on this very emotional Thursday morning.
I always imagined my first Mass being celebrated with my entire family, but as perfect as that sounded to me, Jesus always knows better, showering His daughter with this precious gift, in a quiet and most intimate meeting of our hearts.
My three youngest (Nicholas, Isaac, and Gracie Ann) and I had a most wonderful day as we ended up doing a couple of fun things together....and We even saw friends and had a really fun evening and a favorite treat for dinner
As we were getting ready for bed, Nicholas exclaimed,
"I will never forget today, mom..."
I asked why.....trying to decide what activity he was referring to....
He looked at me and said
"You know, this morning.....seeing you walk into Mass....that was pretty cool, mom"
Now, looking back, I cannot envision it any other way.
What a beautiful homecoming with my sweet Nicholas and my two littlest bundles
Thank You SO MUCH Jesus, for this most Divine gift
Thank You for giving me this gift........
On the day that You had planned it
In the time that You saw fit
In the way that You desired it
There is nothing sweeter....more delightful...more Loving....or more Mighty, than You, Lord
i love you so much,
love, kerry ann