Friday, March 31

JOYFUL SURRENDER (Figuring out my new mission)

And honestly…I hope that I NEVER do….because each and every day is a true gift, made special for me, from my Creator, my Savior, and my most loving Father…..and I pray that I please Him with each and every breath I take.  For He gave me this life to serve Him above all.
I have always strived to delight Him, ever since I was a little girl.  I felt called to be a nun starting in the 6th grade
(I have cried to Jeremy about this a couple of times….my poor hubby) 

BTW: But there is nothing to fear, as I know with all of my heart, that God’s perfect Will for me, was that of the vocation of being a wife and a mother.  Jeremy is my true love and my soulmate.  I wouldn’t trade this amazing man and our five precious children....or ANY part of our life for anything.

With all of the spoils that Jesus has bestowed on me and my family, now He has now given me an even bigger story to do something even more amazing with…..


What the world might see as small and insignificant, like raising my little children to know, love, and serve God, by living out that vocation as a wife and mother....
God sees as the most important calling....if that is the mission that He desired for me (which I believe to be true)
Now with my new breath, I can be a better wife and mommy
These little ones who are so very important to me
 Nicholas and I rode in the RV through at least two states, sharing a ride ever!
Look at my little Gracie Ann......She needs a mommy to prayerfully  tend to her with great patience and great love
And of course it is my job to kiss her face at least 100 times per day! I am so blessed to be a mommy
Isaac calls this picture "Too many babies" because we were all bunched up on one small chair, laughing
In the words of St. Mother Teresa, 
"There is NO such thing as too many babies......That would be like saying that there are too many flowers" 
Two of my oldest boy and my youngest boy...I love them so much and I am filled with gratitude to be with them still today
I wore Gracie Ann for pretty much 8 strait days, as we traveled and of course, I loved every minute of it

(I am trying to take more pictures of myself with my family, as I have never really liked pictures of myself (I was the "picture taker", and then realized that I needed to "get over" myself so that my family would have the memories of their mommy)
God has so lovingly written on 
As He formed us in His Hands, at the time of our creation, a special mission, that only we can accomplish……… but only if we agree to follow Him and give back to Him, the free will that He so generously gave to us.

(I always remind my children, as well as myself, that Christ is a true Gentleman and never will He force His Will upon us....He wants us to chose Him freely, because that is how much He loves us)

Not that I can always hear His gentle voice, even as hard as I  try to……
But I know that He is constantly revealing His holy Will for me, and through prayer and pondering, I confidently know that He is drawing out for me, His beautiful and new mission for my life. 

I believe that He is now calling to a simpler and little life, with NO powerful or lofty challenges to overcome, where I might be glorified in this world, instead of the One Who deserves infinite glory above all!

Not that Jesus can't achieve a lofty and public miracle through me 
(as He has so many times in the past) 

I have to remind myself not to fall into the trap of feeling too wretched for our Lord to work through me.....that is false humility

Christ will work through  ANYONE who allows Him to…..from the most famous and influential, to the smallest scrawny little soul like mine.  
All He is asking of me right now is to SURRENDER (TOTALLY).
Through prayer, the word “SURRENDER” kept being repeated in my heart.  

He is NOT ONLY desiring my time devoted to special prayer, fasting, and ministry......BUT He desires ALL of my time to do with, whatever pleases Him the most!  And, to carry out His Will “JOYFULLY”......with total trust, not ever counting the cost.

I was taken from the world for the most part, for about 3 years……(as Jesus chipped away so many of my rough edges…..and still He must continue to chip) 

Because of that sabbatical from the world……I am currently not heading anything up, in charged of any clubs/studies, committed to any special groups/committees, or expected to be anywhere at any particular time on a regular basis.

This is how He has put His plan for me into action
When they had finished eating, Jesus said to Simon Peter, "Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?" "Yes, Lord," he said, "you know that I love you." Jesus said, "Feed my lambs."

Again Jesus said, "Simon son of John, do you love me?" He answered, "Yes, Lord, you know that I love you." Jesus said, "Take care of my sheep."

The third time he said to him, "Simon son of John, do you love me?" Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, "Do you love me?" He said, "Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you." Jesus said, "Feed my sheep.
John 21:15-17
I was inspired by a friend of mine, named Emily, many years ago in a women’s prayer group, that the reason why Jesus distinguishes between “Lambs” and “Sheep” in this Scripture, is because lambs are literally baby sheep, so as a wife/mother, my FIRST job is to feed His little lambs (my family)…then and only then, can I begin to “Feed His sheep” (helping others in need)
For the devil is a smart and cunning fellow…..For he knows our weaknesses better than we do.  So he does not tempt me with bad things, he tempts me with good things (tending to God's sheep) that keep me SO BUSY that my little lambs are left alone and hungry 
Keeping my eyes on our most beautiful Lord Jesus, I have vowed  to “Feed His lambs”…….THEN “Feed His sheep” in WHATEVER  WAY, He sees fit.  I just need to continually and prayerfully decipher what He is desiring of me.

I call it “Joyful Surrender” or AKA….Jesus’s “go for”

I am now on call to be ANYWHERE at ANY TIME.... WHEREVER He wants me.  I must always be ready to “Joyfully Surrender” to Him at ANY moment.....ALL of the time.  

I do not know what this will always look like, but as I struggle to hear His Voice, He reveals His Will to me constantly…I just need to recognize it when He speaks.

I know that I will miss a lot of what He is saying and asking of me, because I am not always a good listener.....but I will continue to try my best.  And, as I constantly fall down on the job of "Joyfully Surrendering" I will constantly get back up and try again.

I pray this each morning and throughout each day for strength...these words of St. Patrick are so beautiful as well as so powerful

Christ with me,
Christ before me,

Christ behind me,

Christ in me,

Christ beneath me,
Christ above me,
Christ on my right,
Christ on my left,
Christ when I lie down,
Christ when I sit down,
Christ when I arise,
Christ in the heart of every man who thinks of me,
Christ in the mouth of everyone who speaks of me,
Christ in every eye that sees me,
Christ in every ear that hears me.

Dear Heavenly Father,
I am always trying to listen and figure out what You desire for me, as I want to delight You most of all.....I write these thoughts down, so that my children (my Lambs) can read them and know how their mother's heart pondered through life.  Please help them to be guided by Jeremy and I through our words and actions, back to You.  Please keep them and our entire family centered on You that is the most important part of this life.  
Please oh please, I beg of You, to promise me that they will never be plucked away from You.  I just love You so much.  You are my Lord and my Savior.  Thank you for all of Your abundant blessings.  Help me to always use them to lead others closer to You and never use them for myself or to ever bring harm anyone or drive even one soul away from You...
As You know that I struggle with complaining to others, which does nothing more than bring them down.  I am ashamed of this vice.....for I know better than that!! Thank You for continuing to mercifully forgive me every time that I fall
  I love You Father
kerry ann