Wednesday, April 5


Today I had A doctors appointment that I was not planning on. 
I'm in a "CF pregnancy study" that I started when I was pregnant with Gracie Ann. It is being put on by one of my amazing CF Pulmonologists who kept me so healthy for so many years, allowing our Lord to work through her, so that I could still be here (alive) to receive the blessing of my beautiful new lungs!
For these amazing doctors.....I will forever be grateful
(My first sonogram showing Gracie Ann in my belly)
I was really honored to be a part of this study, hopeful that it would bless other CF sufferers with the optimism that they too can have a family and a wonderful life! 
I also wanted to be a part of this important study, because I want other pregnant mommies to know, that if the baby inside of their belly tests positive for Cystic Fibrosis (through genetic testing) that they can be assured that this life was...
1. meant to be
2. This little baby can and will be great
3. And that this precious child is MOST DEFINITELY worth keeping!!

ANYWAY.... I was called in to take part in the final part of the study, now that I have delivered Gracie Ann.
I came home after my appointment and played with Isaac for a little while.
When it was time for Isaac to go down for a nap, I thought of another errand I could run, and then check off of my list

Gracie Ann was having a tube feed in her swing, but was unusually fussy. I stroked her head and covered her up, but she was still whimpering. I finally pulled a kitchen chair over to her swing and took her out and held her, tightly in my arms and close to my heart. She stopped crying and begin to coo like a baby kitten. 
For a moment I thought of how I could wrap her tightly in a blanket to insinuate the same feeling of me holding her tight up against me,  so that I can run my errand and be home in time for Isaac to wake up and for the kids to return from school.....perfectly planned, right?

At that very moment "JOYFUL SURRENDER" flooded my heart and then and there I knew that the errand that was to be checked off  of my list, was NOT going to be done today. 
I was going to sit and hold my baby girl as long as she needed me to. 
That was EXACTLY what Jesus wanted me to do EXACTLY at THAT VERY moment.
It was not necessarily practical…… instead it was even It was TOTALLY AND IMPRACTICALLY DIVINE

Jesus was calling me to simply be a mommy (which is NO simple task in today's world)
This spot for MY children can be filled by no one else, but me.
 (Gracie Ann is MY little lamb to feed)
My heart was filled with peace and love as Gracie Ann let out a huge "sigh" and began to snore. 

This was the most important part of my day. 

There will be no checks off of the list, no visual or tangible sign of this task, except for the irreplaceable marks left on each of our hearts
and the most beautiful smile on my Jesus's most Holy Face, as He was delighted that I FINALLY GOT PAST MYSELF and fulfilled HIS desires.

I love you my sweet Gracie Ann and I love You my Sweet Jesus

In the Name of the Father
And of the Son
And of the Holy Spirit,
kerry ann