Wednesday, April 5


(Yes.....This little guy has something to do with it)
Along with my prayerfully descerned Lenten fasting (a.k.a. "what I am giving up"), Jesus has decided that I need to also give up all of my dignity and the little bit of pride that I still obtained

As you know, I take Nicholas, Isaac and Gracie Ann to Daily Mass since I cannot attend the weekend Mass yet.

Isaac is fairly well-behaved at Mass....a lot of the time.  Some Masses.....not so much!
(Isaac is really lucky that God made him SO cute)

My first three children were really well behaved in Mass.....Daily Mass was where they were trained to sit, stand, kneel and take part as much as they could.  They did each have a Mass bag with holy books, statues, Rosaries, etc.....that they could look at during the homily and readings that they did not understand
Isaac is a different story since I was so sick that he did not attend Daily Mass from day one, so This turned into our special time and he was really responding to taking part in Mass

Isaac is being taught NOT to stare at people (especially anyone sitting directly behind/beside us), and not to distract others....and to sit nicely and to play quietly.  He is also being taught to stand and sit and kneel as we worship as a community, seeing as each one of us is an important part of 
"The Body of Christ"

Well, this week was an abnormally hard week for Isaac to show self-control!

Isaac ripped a page in our church hymnal
(It was an accident, but he was handling it too rough)
So after Mass, Isaac (embarrassingly) showed the damaged Hymnal to Fr. Gary and explained to Father what he had done, and then Isaac apologized.
Fr Gary so loving forgave Isaac in an instant, and with a very kind smile on his face.  
Father would not let us purchase a new Hymnal for the church, but agreed to allow us to take the damaged one home, and tape the page back together
 Which we did....I am an could hardly tell!

Isaac totally had a "Come Apart" during Mass
(This is just a cute pic of Isaac and Gracie Ann to throw into the story)

Unfortunately I DO NOT have pictures from this event, but please feel free to envision a full-out "Dog and Pony show" in your mind.

He was EXTREMELY fidgety AND loud!
He refused to stand up or face forward.....
I gave him the "mom look" and told him firmly to: 
"stop"....."stand up"......"turn around".....etc
(Another cute pic of the babies)

I finally had to try and physically lift his body out from under the pew and stand him up.......
At this point, he turned his body into a "noodle-form", becoming completely "limber" and would not STRAIGHTEN OUT his legs or even listen to me, as he was crying out "no!!!!!" and hanging from my arm

(now mind you....I have Gracie Ann in a kangaroo pouch across my body, so I am limited in my mobility at this point)

 I finally told him that he needed to stop or else he would lose his favorite toy
As expected, he refused.............. 
I told him that now he HAS lost his favorite toy......and if he did not stop right then, he would also have to take a nap right when we got home, instead of playing......of course, Isaac was unaffected by this threat......
Then I told him that he had lost his favorite toy AND that he was going to bed AS SOON AS we got home........and that if he did not stop misbehaving, then I would have to take him outside for a spanking!
(As you can see from this picture....what kind of a week Isaac was having)

Even with the threat of a spanking, as expected, he did not seem to care.....Well, NOW I have taken on this punishment and NOW I HAVE to carry it out!

So with all of the Grace that I could muster up, I literally DRUG his body out of the church as he screamed 
(at the top of his lungs)..... 

(this was all happening in the total silence as it of course was the Consecration......DEAD SILENCE)
Not a sound in the Sanctuary....EXCEPT for Isaac, of course

This little show that Isaac put on during this most Intimate Sacrifice, as the church was in complete and total reverance during this loud little Isaac was a definite "head-turner"
As I got him out of the Santuary, he ran from me again toward another family kneeling in prayer in the Narthex! I was truly mortified.....I Kept repeating in my head
"It is not what life throws my's I deal wih it that I celebrate or resent later....keep calm and in control
The mother of this family.....being one of my great friends gave a little giggle as to say....
"It is okay, kerry......we have ALL been there"

God Bless moms and the important vocation of motherhood, who with a simple smile of acceptance, comforts other moms as they battle a tough child
I.....(still holding Gracie Ann) grabbed him again and used all of strength that I had to drag him out of the door to the outside.

He was crying and yelling "no!" as I spanked him one time....then his yelling concluded, and only his crying could be heard.
(Phewf.....he has finally raised the white flag of surrender)
Of course the embarressment had already taken place, but what good and meaty suffering to offer to our Lord as atonment for my vanity....I am quite confident that I needed to experience this great humility.

I held his shoulders and calmly but firmly asked him why he was being so difficult!

"Isaac!"....I said, "I cannot believe that you are acting this way, especially at holy Mass!"

 He continued to cry as I told him.....
"It is NOT OKAY to be so loud and dissobediant in church or for that matter......anywhere! And then to run away from me!!!! "
"Mommy is so sad by your choices"
His cries became a little quieter and his posture softened as he hugged me
I explained to him that my heart was broken because he was not being nice.
He finally exclaimed, "I sorry mommy!" 

After Mass ended....we AGAIN waited to talk to Fr Michael (at least it was a different priest from the day before adventures during Mass)......Isaac, again apologized for distracting everyone by talking loudly during the Consecration.  Fr Michael graciously forgave Isaac and we went home.


We did not go to Daily Mass, as all of the school children go on Wednesdays and I cannot be around that big of a crowd yet...
As we sat eating lunch together, Isaac asked me...
"Mommy, is your heart was still broken?"
"Don't let it be broken....I fix it.....It's not broken...."

I did not understand what he was talking about, as we had played cars just before lunch and all seemed well. We had a great time.

I asked him....
"Why would Mommy's heart be broken Isaac?"
He replied.....
"Because, I was not listening at church yesterday"

What a consollation from our Lord that Isaac knows and remembers what he is being taught and that all of the humility that I  experienced at Mass the day before, was not in vain......that he had been taught a lesson and that he CARED so much about my heart being hurt.

Jesus blessed me with this great consolation.....Isaac IS listening, even though sometimes it seems frustrating as I feel like I am not getting anywhere with him!!
"Perseverence kerry" what Jesus gently and repeatedly whispers in my heart (about being a mom and about A LOT of different things in my life.

Motherhood is such a wonderlfuly fulfilling vocation
(a wife and a mommy is all that I ever wanted to be)

But how hard it is to be a mom.
Jesus calls mothers to be conscientious in the raising these precious souls, that He has entrusted to us. 
He desires for us to patiently and lovingly take our time and energy to teach these little ones right from wrong.....over and over and OVER again!
In spiritual direction, Charlene (a beautiful Consecrated bride of Christ and my amazing spiritual director) once told me, as I tearfully sought her advice on an issue with my children not getting along very well
"It breaks my heart when they hurt each other's feelings"
I complained how NOTHING that I tried had worked.  Charlene so kindly responded.....
"kerry, your solution didn't NOT work, it just hasn't worked YET."

What a God inspired truth.  How many times do WE as adults try to fix something in our own times? Seventy times seven times!  We are hard creatures to form and stick to promises that we make, to better ourselves.  The world destracts us time and time again

It gave me hope and comfort to not become discouraged nor disheartened, but to keep persevering no matter what.
God is still working in our children just as He is working in us.

This Lent was full of many valuable teachings and opportunities to live out my vocation(s) as a wife, mother, sister, daughter, and frien......
 as a TRUE child of God.

Dear Lord Jesus, my Father, and my Teacher,
Thank You for guiding me through this life with wonderful people whom You have sent to minister to me, forming me into a more desireable version of myself....that is more pleasing to You.
I long to be Your true delight in each and every way.  Thank You for this time of Lent as we transform our hearts and souls in preparation for Your Greastest Sacrifice for us, Your Eternal and Triumphant Glory over evil, and Your greatest gift to us.
Thank You for loving me so much as to never give up on me.  I love You and I promise to spend my entire life praying for You to transform me into what truly gladdens You
My Dear Lord Jesus.......Please love me as i am.....but too much to leave me this way
kerry ann