A LETTER THAT I STARTED TO MY SWEET GRACIE ANN FOR HER BIRTHDAY
BEFORE SHE WENT TO HEAVEN
To my Dearest Gracie Ann,
🌈💗HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY SWEET BABY GIRL💗🌈
I feel honored and blessed to have you....my sweet baby girl to worry about.
For some mysterious reason, our Lord saw fit to bless daddy and I with such a special baby.
Somehow in His perfect Plan, Jesus trusted MY sickly and frail womb to be your first home.
You, Gracie Ann are a true example of holiness and virtue. It’s a beautiful mystery to me how you so bravely keep calm when you are in any sort of pain.
Jesus has made you a true disciple.
Your absolute peace each and every day, permeates into every person, who holds you in their arms, or simply gazes upon you in awe of your tiny miraculous soul.
Oh how beautiful a cross God bestowed upon me, as the mother of this angel.
In the words of St. Mother Theresa, “We truly find ourselves through serving others.” And serving you, my sweet Gracie Ann, is one of my greatest joys.
Because, as I Serve you, I find myself transforming into a better version of me.
Being your mom has drawn me closer and closer to our Lord. With each new struggle or hurdle that daddy and I face, we are strengthened in our faith substantially and you keep our eyes focused on our Lord Jesus Christ
All blessings come with a responsibility of carrying a cross, and one of the crosses I am experiencing, is that I cannot tell when you are happy, sad, scared or in pain.
Gracie Ann. I have fervently prayed to Jesus to grant me the special favor of knowing how you feel.
This is one of the more difficult parts of this cross.….NOT having the knowledge of whether you are happy or sad.
The purity, joy, and health of a child, is a mommy’s indicator of her successes.
Jesus has shown me that I will not be blessed with this consolation….. For I will give all that I can to you, without knowing how well I am accomplishing my mission as your mommy. Then I will always offer this suffering up in prayer.
Oh how beautiful, but heavy this cross is.....My sadness is very selfish, but so perfectly refining for my soul.
I DO NOT desire to carry this cross any other way, than what is pleasing to God.
Gracie Ann.....You were sent to heal us and teach us in your silence.
I have never been taught so much by someone who cannot communicate. God truly reflects Himself through your soul and to the world
You are a pure spirit and that gives me and each person who gazes upon you, great joy.
I am so grateful that you do not have the capacity to ever offend our most beautiful Lord Jesus. You can only delight Him and I am honored to be chosen to be your mommy.
I do not in any way mean to liken myself to St. Mother Theresa. For she had given herself purely to our Lord in every facet of her life.
But I am inspired by her, serving the poorest of the poor, as I consider you one of the neediest of the needy. Not being able to do one thing for yourself.
Your life is your gift to me.
Protecting your littleness and serving you in your helplessness is my true refinement.
All I desire is to give everything that I have to my Lord Jesus Christ, through my vocation as a mother
I should not be rewarded for being a good mommy by anyone else but my Heavenly Father. It is not for my human heart to feel consolation, but for God to reveal the fruits of my labor when I gaze upon His most Beautiful Face some day.
You teach me how to truly and selflessly, serve God though you, Gracie Ann.
My lifelong prayer is that on that most blessed day when I look into The most Beautiful Eyes of Jesus, that He might see fit to say to me in His most gentle and Fatherly Voice....
”You have done well”.
(Oh please, oh please Lord...give me the strength to always honor and glorify You. Please be pleased with me, my Jesus.....and never allow me to offend You)
A sinless life is an impossibility to ask of my sweet Lord, but a little girl ALWAYS asks her father for what she truly desires, and this is my ONLY desire......to love my Father, God perfectly
There will be no earthly reward for me, except the enormous blessing of getting to have you to myself, as long as our Lord sees fit.
I just cannot stop praising our Lord because I have been extremely blessed that God chose silly little me to be your mommy, Gracie Ann.
(Your New hat)
He gifted me with you, to worry about.
As much as my worry feels heavy on my heart, I wouldn’t have you any other way.
I would not change even ONE teeny tiny fragment about you.
For you, Gracie Ann, are a precious little saint and your mission on earth is to minister to others through your quiet peace.
I want to glorify our Lord, every day of my life with you.
(teaching you how to sit up on your own...you kept slowly falling to the side. It was quite joyous as you would stay for a minute and then you slowly tip over and your eyes got REALLY BIG)
I must tell you that our Lord has absolutely spoiled me with a very recent gift of your tears!
You have started to cry when you want your mommy to hold you, and I must say that this small consolation is by far one of my single most greatest joys as a mother.
To be yearned for, by her baby. Thank you Jesus.
I love you Gracie Ann.
NOW YOU ARE IN HEAVEN
Now my Father has asked me to carry a much more beautiful and glorious cross….a cross so shiny, so glittery, and decorated with the most precious jewels the eye has ever fixated upon.
The weight of this most dazzling, opulent and resplendent cross is so very heavy for my scrawny and weak human heart to bear on my own.
Through my foreboding tears, I will myself to trust that my most Loving Jesus will surly shower me with all of the Graces that I need to sustain such a magnificent province.
I miss you Gracie Ann...so much, that my beautiful gift of new life seems too long now.
I yearn for our family to be whole again.
Though I am sad, please know how grateful I am that you are safe with our dear Jesus, as your infinite glory and honor for Him is His true delight each and every day.....from the day that He welcomed you Home and forever.
I love you with all of my heart and miss you terribly
"I will be your God for all of your lifetime
I made you and will care for you
I will carry you along and be your Savior"
"You keep track of all my sorrows, Lord. You have collected all my tears in Your Bottle.
You have recorded each one in Your Book"
ON A VERY HAPPY NOTE
Your birthday just happens to fall on........
Your Daddy and I realized this about 2 months before you were even sick......that your birthday fell this most fun day, and right at that moment, daddy and I both knew that from this birthday on.....we would celebrate you with a pancake feast!
It just seems to fit your joyful little soul so perfectly.
So, even though we are so saddened that we cannot be holding you anymore, we do know one thing, that will forever keep us smiling....
Each year, on February 27th......we will eat pancakes for our Baby Girl
Our little pancake party PALES in comparison to what Heaven has in store for you today.
The kids and I were talking about what your Heavenly celebration might be like....of course the Glory of Heaven is way outside the realms of our earthly hearts, but it is surly fun to dream about it
We are doing okay. I LOVE talking to you each and every day....asking for your intercession for mommy, daddy, and your siblings
Thank you for praying for us, as your sweet and innocent face is the joy of Heaven
I love you Gracie Ann and we praise Jesus for relieving you from this painful exile, even if it meant losing you.
But, through my mommy tears (I can hardly see right now, as I type), I will always and forever stand in total gratitude at the Most Beautiful Feet of Jesus for blessing us with you for almost 2 years, and then for sparing you from so much pain, as He carried you up to Heaven
ALL PRAISE AND HONOR TO YOU
LORD JESUS CHRIST
KING OF ENDLESS GLORY
JESUS, I TRUST IN YOU
I will love you my Jesus....
Today, tomorrow, forever and for all eternity