Wednesday, March 7


♥️“When Christ draws us close to Himself, the Thorns on His Crown will pierce our forehead as He leans in to kiss our cheek"♥️
-St. Mother Teresa 

To my Dearest Jeremy,
Today we Interred the ashes of our little darling Gracie Ann into the Columbarium, where they will remain until she will be finally reunited with them at Jesus's Second Coming

The Columbarium is at our church.  St.. Elizabeth Ann Seton Catholic Parish 
 In the most beautiful Prayer Garden, surrounded by the walking Stations of the Cross
At each station, stands a full-sized gruesome reenactment of positioned statues depicting a lurid scene of Jesus's most excruciating and most loving path, where He carried His Cross to be Crucified to pay our ransom.

I have been meditating on these most beautiful outdoor Stations, since our oldest 3 children were still toddling and in strollers

You and I walked together (right after Gracie Ann died) as we prayed about where to place the precious remains of our baby girl in the church prayer garden......
Then we picked a place closest to the Tabernacle....right behind the Altar (on the outside wall of the church)
......and then, just because Jesus can, and because He loves us so much, never failing to show His Merciful Hand in all that we are experiencing
We found out that, the beautiful statue of Our Lady right near her of course,
"Our Lady of Grace"
God has been, and continues to be so good and gentle with our wounded human hearts. 
Monsignor Hart is a most important part of our lives....He is a humble servant, who not only brings us all of the beautiful Sacraments of our Church, but he brings us so much comfort, as he pulls our maimed hearts out of the trenches of sorrow.
His inspired words guide us as we wonder, sad and broken, trying to feel whole again.
You and I will be put to rest right beneath Gracie Ann when Jesus someday calls us home to Himself.

I just miss her so much, as I know you do as well.
My heart is broken and as each day passes, I am missing our little baby more and more.  I FEEL like I will never heal and be truly happy again.
 Sometimes, I FEEL that my heart will not survive through this....It is barely beating right now...
But, you always hold me in your arms and prayerfully tell me that we will be fine, we then we recommit yet again, to always and forever trust in our Precious and Beautiful Jesus, Who will never ever forsake us.
We knelt together, in front of Gracie Ann's tiny pink casket, in front of the most Holy Altar, at the Feet of our Merciful Lord Jesus on the Cross, exactly 18 days ago today,

I was instantly reminded of the ONLY other time that we knelt together, during a Mass, right in front of the Altar, at the Feet of our Merciful Jesus on the Cross, almost 21 years ago.....
On our Wedding Day July 19, 1997
The memory of our wedding Mass that was given to me, so similar to our exact position at Gracie Ann's funeral, was so very I felt a warmth, radiating in my heart as we gazed upon Gracie Ann in HER beautiful white gown

On the day that we said "I do" at the Altar, before God...

We promised the take on the world together and to never ever leave each other's sides and to always keep each other strong in faith as we joined hands and ran towards Jesus!
We still today continue to run hand and hand together, towards  the beautiful Feet of Jesus.
We could never have fathomed what our Beautiful Lord had in store for us, way back on that sunny July afternoon....

We could not have possibly foreseen this great suffering, as our Lord Jesus, had not yet readied our hearts for what we experienced on this chilly winter evening

But we did then and still do today, know that our Lord Jesus will never give us more than we can handle
Even if we feel much too weak and debilitated to bear the pain of losing our precious little girl.
 You and Gracie Ann
(Our little boys holding their sweet baby sister)

 Jesus means EVERYTHING to us and now our sweet Gracie Ann gets to be with Him each and every day.
For every tear that weeps from our eyes, now and forever, will be offered up along with every single suffering in our harrowing hearts,
For Jesus to use where He sees a need.

Through sickness, and health.....we have been carried through it all, by the Grace of our dear Lord Jesus Christ.
For He has truly blessed and strengthened us through our many sufferings! 
We will never turn away.
I love you so much Jeremy.... and I could not imagine experiencing such an arduous journey through exile with anyone else.  We are two halves of one heart, and our delicate frail heart lies within the safeguarded refuge of The Most Sacred Heart of Jesus
I love you Jeremy so much.  Thank you for leading our family on this most laborious journey towards Heaven
kerry ann

To Our Dearest Gracie Ann,
Here is a picture that Mrs Pereira took of Nicholas snuggling you at Mass with Isaac and I sitting to the right...Nicholas really misses his Chubbers
Remember how much you loved floating in the warm swimming drifted to sleep almost instantly
I wore you like a baby kangaroo as much as I could.....wherever Mama was....there was Gracie Ann

Gracie Ann,
Please ask Jesus to help mommy and daddy grow in holiness and for our entire family to grow closer to Him.  Please ask Jesus to keep our faith strong and to never allow us to be plucked from His grasp.
Oh my sweet baby girl....I sleep with a little gown of yours that smells just like you.
I cannot wait to be able to see you again...It seems way too long of a wait, and thinking about it makes me cry.

I cannot think of a more honorable, more blessed, but more agonizing cross for Daddy and I to carry.....I can hardly bear it, but we know that our Lord is giving us JUST as much Grace as we need to get by.
I feel Him carrying me each and every day....wiping my tears, as He continues to heal me
This was a picture from our last night together
I had no idea that this would be the last picture I would ever take of you alive.

I sadly go to sleep each night without your soft and sweet nose touching mine, and then I have to wake up and start each and every day without you......mornings are grueling.

The day that you left this earth was the worst day of my life
I know that it was the best day of your's.
AND That makes my heart flutter with joy....even as I feel a deep agony in my soul
This song below bears the perfect words to describe what daddy and I are going through....we will never stop praising our Mighty Father in Heaven...through ALL of our joys.....and right now, through our MANY MANY tears.

This is a picture of you peacefully sleeping only a couple of weeks before you were called Home to Heaven
"Praise You in This Storm"
By: Casting Crowns

I was sure by now
God, You would have reached down
 and wiped our tears away, stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say Amen....
and it's still raining

As the thunder rolls, I barely hear You Whisper through the rain...."I'm with you"
And as Your Mercy falls, I'll raise my hands and praise the God Who gives, and takes away

And I'll praise You in this storm, and I will lift my hands
For You are Who You are, No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried, You hold in Your Hand
You've never left my side and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when
I stumbled in the wind, You heard my cry to You
And raised me up again
But my strength is almost gone, how can I carry on
If I can't find You

As the thunder rolls, I barely hear You Whisper through the rain...."I'm with you"
And as Your Mercy falls, I'll raise my hands and praise the God Who gives, and takes away

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth

And I'll praise You in this storm, and I will lift my hands
For You are Who You are, No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried, You hold in Your Hand
You've never left my side and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm
We love you and miss you so much our sweet little baby.  We long for the day when we can kiss your sweet face once again.
Daddy, mommy, Madison, Savannah, Nicholas, and Isaac 

All Glory Be
In the Name of the Father
and of the Son
and of the Holy Spirit
as it was in the beginning
is now and ever shall without end,
Jesus, I trust in You