Sunday, May 15


A letter to my Jesus from the bottom of my soul
Dear Jesus,
You have spoiled me beyond my own imagination.  I am overwhelmed with humility at the thought of Your love for me.  You have showered me with gift after gift after gift....I am unworthy of all of this but You bless me still, because I am Yours.
You love me so much that my heart dances with joy!

I feel You carrying me SO intimacy unlike I have ever experienced.  When I was in agony, I called to You...I screamed Your name, and You did not come.......but it was because, You were already there!  When I opened my eyes after crying, I found that I was already in Your Arms with my head resting on Your Chest.  I could smell Your sweet Scent and it comforted me.  I couldn't bear it, so You bore it for me.  
Then I was in scary places.  I was experiencing hallucinations as I was in and out of consciousness and saw places where horror and fear surrounded me.  I thought that I might be at the Foot of the Cross, but I looked up and I was far down below it (for what it seemed).  As much as I desired it, I could not reach high enough to touch it!  It was very dark and there was almost nothing there except I could hear in the distance, a strange and repetitive rhythm (similar to the blow of a foghorn) and there was a very thick presence of fear and emptiness.  I was so afraid...I was terrified and I didn't see You.  I just knew that wherever I was, was too horrible a place for Your Perfection and Love!  I sensed that the cold and dark emptiness was a lack of Your presence. I thought for a moment "This must be how it feels without God!"
I knew for sure that You weren't there because I looked all around to find You, but somehow, even though my human eyes couldn't see Your Holy and Beautiful Face, my hand was always in Yours.  Of course You would be there.....there is no place that You do not have total command over.
I am sorry that I ever for even one brief moment, feared that You had left me.  This, even momentary lack of faith, feels like burns all over my soul.  I am truly ashamed.  You have showered me blessings and graces and I still continue to fall.
In the midst of all of the fear, I renew my undying commitment and devotion to You, Father. 
 If it be Your Will, please deliver me from this suffering, but if You desire more.....
Lord Jesus......Your Will be done
Just as You see it
The way that You want it
As long and You desire it
I am so grateful to have You moving and working within me
I love You
kerry ann