OUR 7 MONTH OLD LITTLE BUNNY....GRACIE ANN LUSTIG

Dear Gracie Ann,

One thing I can tell you, without a doubt, is that multitudes of the faithful have prayed so much for you, and for that, I am so grateful. These prayers to our Sweet Jesus are the only reason why you (and mommy) are here today. Your fragile brain suffered quite a trauma when I stopped breathing that day and I am so sorry for not keeping you safe inside of me like I promised you....But Jesus held us both so tightly and close to Him, as the doctors decided what to do......we were both asleep and daddy said that it did not look good.  But, our Mighty and Eternal Creator is bigger than all of the strength that “impossible” can muster up!  He is the Alpha and the Omega and He loves us so much that He heard all of our cries and the cries of our loved ones and granted us our petition, as He saved our lives!!  It has been a long and tedious road, but you have beaten every odd and God has been truly glorified through your tiny little life!  Daddy and I along with your two brothers and two sisters (you’re #5 kiddo) love you more than you can possibly imagine and we promise that we will always take care of you.

We are learning so much about you every day, so that we know how to care for you. 

(my brave little girl during her EEG)

Your doctors say that you have something called "Trauma Induced Infant Spasms" and "Bi Pelagic Cerebral Palsy", as well as "Partial Cortical Blindness". My sweet little bunny.....these terms are bigger than you are!! Your daddy and I continually lift you up to our Lord as we prayerfully discern each and every decision that we make for you…as God has entrusted us to be your voice and your advocate!! 

(we have never seen you smile but one afternoon Jesus blessed me with this special opportunity to gaze upon you as you experienced a sweet little dream) 

 Gracie Ann, we just cannot express how much happiness you bring to our family!  You have the most adorable little baby sneezes ever heard on this earth! You are so cuddly and sweet!  We love to put you in cute outfits and kiss your soft belly and play with your tiny toes!  Even though you cannot understand all that is going on around you, Daddy and I will continue to fervently pray for our little bunny and work with you to give you every opportunity possible.

BUT PLEASE KNOW THIS…. Daddy and I are certain, without a doubt, know that you were absolutely and perfectly created in the Hands of our Mighty God exactly as He desired you, in order for you to fulfill the ministry that He intended for you on this earth. 

(you look like a yummy little cupcake)

(I just had to add this second picture because you had just scared yourself sneezing and got upset)

Right now you continue bringing our family bounds of joy and peace. Gracie Ann, you ARE peace personified. You radiate our Lord's Perfect Love to everyone who looks upon you!! You bring a powerful healing to the hearts of everyone who holds you. You are mysteriously amazing, because God made you that way!! We can't even explain it. 

I love you so much, Gracie Ann

Love, mom

Thank You Jesus for our sweet little blessing!  Thank You for all five of our sweet blessings....We just love them each with our entire heart.....Please help us to guide them home to You

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAVANNAH

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAVANNAH BANANA

Dear Savannah,

(Hey! That is MY shirt!! It is the shirt from the 1980's Wham video "Wake me Up Before you Go Go"  It looks good on you though and I love sharing clothes with you)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY.....YOU ARE 14.....WOW!! YOUR ZEAL FOR LIFE IS CONTAGIOUS AND YOUR VIRTUE IS INSPIRING.  YOU ARE A GREAT SAINT AS YOU LIVE YOUR LIFE AS A TRUE SERVANT OF GOD

You are a wonderful friend and teammate!  I LOVE watching you play volleyball, God blessed you with an amazing gift and I love the joy that volleyball brings you

This picture embodies "All that is Savannah"  Of course you are the school mascot! I cannot help but smile seeing you dressed as the Faustina Falcon

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAVANNAH BANANA LUSTIG

DADDY AND I PRAISE OUR LORD FOR YOU EACH AND EVERY DAY

HOMESCHOOLING NICHOLAS

GOD ALWAYS SPEAKS

My sweet Lord always talks to me and tells me all that I need to know to follow Him and to be a good wife/mommy.......I do not always HEAR Him because I am too busy talking myself.  Sometimes, I am so busy ASKING Him for His guidance, that I totally miss His gentle and loving answers.  This is what happened to me recently during a period of great discernment concerning my sweet Nicholas.

(Nicholas and his sweet friend Christopher...they are inseparable and all around best buds)

Dear Nicholas,
Mommy and Daddy always pray for you, constantly reevaluating your life, making sure that daddy and I are putting you into situations where you will thrive in holiness.  This year, our Lord was really tugging at my heart to consider homeschooling you.  You worry about mommy so much and really thrive when you have the security of being close to me, assuring yourself that I am okay.  Of course (selfishly) I always want my children near me.  I was sad to see you unhappy leaving the house each morning....worried.  Daddy and I both want you to be happy above all.....and with God as your Center, you will ALWAYS be guaranteed happiness in life.  So we always start there....in prayer.

I fervently prayed for our Lord to reveal if homeschooling was His Will for you or if it was simply something coming from within myself (because I miss being a homeschooling family) not seeing His Will clearly.

After praying and praying and praying some more (crying out for answers) and not feeling like I knew for sure what to do, God sat me down for a moment of clarity, because I just wasn't "getting it".  I am sure that He sees me as one of His more difficult children, who has a very hard time listening : )

  God chose one afternoon in July and greatly blessed me as He spoke to my heart asking me a series of questions:
I just had to record this beautiful discussion that our Lord blessed me with.....mainly for you, Nicholas to read about later when you wonder how mommy and daddy made choices for you and for your siblings

HERE IS THE DIALOGUE BETWEEN GOD AND I THAT TOOK PLACE IN MY HEART

GOD: "Do you want to pull Nicholas out of school?"
ME: "No, I absolutely LOVE the beautiful Christ centered school that my children are so privileged to attend!"

GOD: "Do you feel up to the challenge of homeschooling Nicholas again, right now?"
ME: "no"

GOD: "Do you want to take on the stress of homeschooling right now?"
ME: "Not even a little bit."

GOD: "Is your family situation in a good and stable place to pull Nicholas out of school right now?"
ME: "Absolutely not!"

GOD: "Are your friends and family going to think that you are crazy for making this choice when you are so sick?"
ME: "Most Definitely!"

GOD: "Will people look at this decision as irresponsible because of so many red flags in your life right now?"
ME: "Without a doubt"

GOD: "Do you dread what people will think when you tell them?"
ME: "I know that I should not, but I do dread it so much!"

GOD: "Does it bother you that your family and friends might think that you and Jeremy are stupid for making this choice?"
ME: "Yes, it does....Maybe it shouldn't, but especially with everyone praying so hard for my health.....I don't want them to think that I am making silly choices."

AFTER A MOMENT OF SILENCE, GOD GENTLY WHISPERS

GOD: "Then kerry, I must ask you....looking back at all of your answers, why do you think that this calling to homeschool is coming from you?"  "Why do you not see that it is Me?"  Not one part of you desires this scary leap of faith...."  "I desire this for you and I desire this for My son, Nicholas"

ME:  (As tears begin to roll down my cheeks) "Oh Jesus, I am so sorry for not hearing You leading  me as I am so busy "asking" for guidance over and over, while You are guiding me the entire time!"

GOD: "kerry, do you trust Me?"
ME: "Yes, I trust You completely and with everything that I am!"

NOW WHAT
So here begins a new journey.  With my body trembling, I accepted His Will and went to Jeremy (Daddy) with my revelation......and as the beautiful and faithful spiritual leader of our family, your Daddy took my hand and we made this leap of faith together.

ONE MONTH IN

(Nicholas and his "Little Chubbers" and he calls her)

We hired a wonderful and holy Catholic homeschooling teacher to school Nicholas as I am still too sick to be able to do it on my own.  He is learning so much, serving at daily Mass, and is growing in confidence with each passing day.   What a blessing Mrs. Lewis has been for our entire family!  We are just so grateful to have her as a part of our life!

Oh Nicholas...my sweet son,
You are thriving!  You are happy!! You reflect a true sense of security now that you are at home.
For now, this is exactly where Christ wants you to be.....He is always faithful to us and He will let us know when He desires you to return to school. Until then, I am going to soak up every bit of this special time that we have been blessed with.  I love you Nicholas.
Love,
mom

MY WAIT IS A BITTER SWEET ONE

MY WAIT IS A BITTER SWEET ONE

How totally excited and totally terrified I am as I wait to receive my new lungs.

I struggle praying for new lungs, as I know that those lungs that will sustain my life, will be taken from someone who's life will no longer be sustained. 
Jeremy and I have been praying for my precious, life-giving donor.  We already absolutely adore and greatly treasure this person, of whom we've never even met........I pray and offer up sufferings for her/him each and every day.
Because, more than simply a set of lungs, these special life-giving lungs are giving life to another child of God right now.
As I am praying, I often think about what this person might be going through right at this moment.
Maybe this person is sick or maybe this person is just living their life, unaware of what is to come and how their sacrifice will so greatly bless the life of another

I plead with Jesus that when the time comes for my transplant, that He will welcome my donor  into Heaven with a grand serenade by a glorious choir of angels.....as a special thanks from me!!  But I am pretty sure that God has it covered and does not need any of my suggestions.....but like every little girl that begs her Daddy for a gift, I still ask Him anyway

It is overwhelming and humbling to think....
For a person's life has to be given in order for my life to be saved.

What an ultimate gift this donor will have given to me and my family.  What a beautiful gift all of us are offering when we agree to be origin donors as well.
Where I used to simply check the "donor" box on my driver's license paperwork, and for one quick moment smile at the thought of possibly saving someone's life.......Now, that small check in that box means so much more than it ever did before.

I fantisize about one day meeting my donor's family and thanking them for their beautiful and amazing sacrifice of love, for life.  I often stress, thinking about ideas of gifts that I could give them to show them at least a smidgen of my gratitude for their loved one....But Jeremy sweetly calms me down by saying.... "Kerry, slow down....For now, let's just worry about keeping you healthy until the actual transplant.....we can worry about buying gifts later"
My amazing and loving husband always helps to keep me in check, lowering my stress level during this most stressful time in our life
(I'm such a mess......Jeremy must just laugh at me all of the time....hopefully he thinks that my incessant stressing is an enduring quality)

So, for now I will patiently wait in prayer

Dear Jesus,
When my time on earth is through (whether it be today, tomorrow, or years from now) I pray,  Dear Lord, that I can bring new life to another, by donating a part of myself to one of Your other children, who needs it to live!
I praise You Dear Lord Jesus for my life.  I praise You Dear Lord Jesus for all of those mercifully praying for me!!  I love You so much!!  I love You with my entire heart and with my entire soul and I promise that I will continue to do my best to be Yours forever!
Love, kerry ann

ISAAC SAW ANGELS AT MASS

ISAAC SAW ANGELS

(My sweet Isaac)

During 5:00pm Mass last Sunday, right before the Consecration, Isaac had, had enough pew time.  He was being sweet but just could not sit quietly any longer......BTW, Isaac is 2 years old.

Madison offered to walk Isaac to the back of the Sanctuary, which is something the kids do often with Isaac when he is tired of sitting at Mass.  Madison walked Isaac around the back of the pews and pointed at all of the beautiful statues and images in the church.  They lit a candle, prayed for mama and Gracie Ann, which is the first part of their Sunday Mass tradition.
After reaching the back of the church, Madison always walks Isaac over to the image of Our Lady of Guadalupe (another tradition they both enjoy)  Madison always asks Isaac the same questions each time.  Below you can read their conversation as they stand in front of this beautiful painting.

Madison:     "Isaac, where is Mama Mary?" 

 Isaac:   "there", as he points to Mary in the painting

Madison:   "Isaac, where is Baby Jesus?"

Isaac:   "there", as he points to Mary's belly

Madison:   "Isaac, where is the Angel?"

Isaac:   "there", as he points to the angel under Mary's feet (this is where he always points)

By this time in the conversation, the Most Holy Consecration was well underway

After Isaac pointed to the angel in the painting, he excitedly looked up into the air and exclaimed.....

"And there.......and there......and there!" As he pointed up towards the ceiling all around him.  He had never done this before.

Madison quickly asked........

Madison:   "Isaac, what do you see?"

Isaac:   "Angel.....angel.....angel" as he continued to point (his rendition of pronouncing angel is something similar to "a-gel" with a hard G)

Madison (very surprised and excited) quickly seized the moment as she asked Isaac more questions about what he was seeing

Madison:   "Isaac, do you have an angel of your own?"

Isaac:   "es" (yes)

Madison:   "Where is Isaac's angel?"

Isaac:   "There" (as he points above his head but behind him)

Madison:   "Where is Madison's angel?"

Isaac:   "There" (as he points above Madison's head but behind her)

Madison:   "Isaac, can you call your angel down?"

Isaac:   "es" (yes)

Isaac looks up to the ceiling and says something that Madison could not understand (they were talking quietly, so she couldn't hear what he said)
After he speaks up to the ceiling, his eyes follow from the ceiling down to in front of him.

Madison:   "Where is Isaac's angel now?"

Isaac points down in front of himself

Isaac, then unfortunately was distracted by a noise he heard across the room and looked away,  pointing towards the noise

Madison quickly regained his attention and asked him again.....

Madison:   "Where is Isaac"s angel now?"

Isaac pointed to the EXACT same location that he had said his angel was, a minute earlier

Madison:   "Can you give your angel a hug?"

Isaac:   "es" (yes)

Isaac hugs the air in front of himself and gives it a kiss

Madison:   "Isaac, can you give Madison's angel a hug too?"

Isaac:   "es" (yes)

Isaac walks behind Madison and hugs and kisses the air

By this time it was time for Madison and Isaac to go up for Holy Communion.   Since they were back in the narthex, they were the last to receive Communion.  They returned to the back row pew and knelt as Madison quietly said some post Communion prayers.  Isaac stood on the kneeler, looking around.  By this time Communion was completed and the Eucharist had been put back into and the Tabernacle and the Altar had been cleared

Madison could not wait to ask Isaac more about his angel.....still kneeling, she leaned over and  quietly asked him....

Madison:   "Isaac, can you talk to your angel?"

Isaac:   "es" (yes)

Madison:   "Isaac, ask him what his name is"

Isaac looked around for a minute and then said.....

Isaac:   "eve" (leave)....."up".  Isaac pointed up and repeated "eve" (leave)..."up"

Madison:   "Did your angel leave, Isaac?"

Isaac:   "es", as he continued to point up to the ceiling exclaiming "eve"..."up"

Isaac saw the choir of Angels that are always present during the Consecration!! This vision is a special consolation that many others have been blessed to see as well.  What a beautiful moment that Isaac had and that Madison got to share in.  I love when God surprises us like that.....why does He do it.......BECAUSE HE CAN!!  He is an amazing Father Who Loves His children with a Perfect Love and I am so blessed to be able to call Him Father and I am so privileged to be called His little girl!!

I know that Isaac will not remember this event even happening, as he is only 2 years old, but I don't what us to ever forget what a beautiful gift our Lord gave us through our sweet and innocent little boy that day.

I just couldn't help but add this picture of Isaac as well.  He was so intrigued that BOTH fingers could fit in his nose at the same time!
(you know that THIS picture will come back to haunt him when he gets older)

Dear Jesus,
Thank You for giving us (Your little children) Yourself through the Most Holy Eucharist, where all of Heaven joins together in Adoration of Your True Mightiness! 
 I am truly humbled and in awe of You at every moment!
Thank You for blessing us with Isaac and for all 5 of our precious children!  They bring us so much joy!  Thank you for making Yourself present to Jeremy and I, through them in so many ways.  These consultations are such wonderful gifts to us.  Thank You for loving us so much!  Help us to be more like little children...living in innocence, obedience and faithfulness.  I know that their pure little souls are Your True Heart's Delight!
I love You with my entire heart, with my entire soul, and with everything that I am, and I will continue to love You from now until my very last breath!
love, kerry ann

ISAAC

NOT MUCH TO SAY, BUT HE IS SUCH A CUTIE-PATOOTIE

 Isaac's first experience with soft serve AND a cone

 That's green jello AND soft serve ice cream cones together........BEST DAY EVER!!!

Too cute

LUNCH TODAY.....WEARING DADDY'S HAT

I couldn't decide which picture to pick so I just posted them all

PRAYER TIME

PRAYER TIME DESCERMENTS
We may forget someday how important this summer was for our family, so here are some thoughts that I want to share that I was inspired with during my prayer time

Our summer is so different than I ever imagined it would be. I never imagined our family spending the summer (having our house renovated) and living at our lakehouse, but as frustrating as it makes me at times, not being able to be at home, I continually hear Christ gently whisper in my heart that this is exactly what our family needs right now, and being at the lake together and away from our normal lives will be invaluable to our family's closeness and to the pureness of each of our souls
I often reflect on how my Jesus is stripping all of my earthly vanity from me, leaving only the innocent soul that He created on the day that He formed me in His Hands, and that thought comforts me and fills me with joy, as I desire with all of my heart to even somewhat resemble the pure being that He breathed life into on the very first day of my existence.
As I have learned....my Lord is a Lord of never ending surprises, and just when I think that I have figured out the meaning of my journey, He reminds me of my smallness and exactly how much I CANNOT see, which is an overwhelming thought, but somehow when I faithfully follow blindly, He always assures me that I am safe. 

Christ has so mercifully allowed me to learn more and more about Him, while at the same time, not allowing me to "figure Him out".  For my lacking human heart could never incapsulate all that is Him.....not even a small sliver of His True Loveliness

Jesus has again asked me for another sacrifice/gift, that was really His in the first place....my hair.  My hair has fallen out of my head.  To be perfectly honest, it did not really bother me much, because I knew that this was the perfect sacrifice for our Lord (as anyone who knows me, knows how much I love my long hair) My doctor said that my hair loss was due to all of the stress, medications, and malnutrition that I have experienced over the past months.  

Surprisingly enough (after all of my recent formation with Christ), it is not really my hair that I miss.....but that, paired with my paleness, thinness, tubes surrounding my face, puffiness, and some other more private sufferings that have effected my appearance...it is kerry that I miss.  Not that I necessarily miss her for myself, but I miss her for Jeremy and for my kids.  You see, to my little ones, I don't resemble their mommy very much anymore.  I feel like I am scary looking and unfamiliar.

 (me with my hair....and still pregnant with Gracie Ann)

My babies have been so gracious, telling me that I am pretty and that they cannot even tell a difference and in fact Madison climbed into bed with me yesterday wanting to show me a picture.  It was a picture of a Barbie doll.  She said that when she came across this picture, it reminded her of me and that this is how I look to her.
I am so grateful that Jesus has blessed me with a family who uplifts me over and over again no matter what.

(me and baby Gracie Ann after my 76 day hospital stay-I was so sick)
I am quite certain that I do not resemble Barbie (not even a little bit) and that my children do in fact see a difference and that it may even leave their fragile hearts unsettled at times, but I pray that my children recognize me by my heart.....as I share my thoughts with them and how I care for my precious children as the mommy that they have always known.  I pray that my children will recognize my soul before they recognize my face.  My broken down outer shell has given me the opportunity to reiterate how lacking this world is.  How bruised and broken our human bodies are and how perfect Heaven will be.

They are learning so much through this experience and I am ashamed to admit that there are times (a lot of times) that I despair over being the cross that our family has been asked to carry.  My anguish over being such a burden to my family is truly my ugly vanity rearing itself in my soul and so I continually ask our Lord to deliver me from my despair and to help me embrace this beautiful cross that He has so mercifully chosen for me.  What an honor I have been given!
When I am despairing and greatly overwhelmed, I can literally feel my physical body suffocating in fear...... at these moments, Jesus reminds me with His most beautiful gentle whisper  that all I need to do at that moment is to love my family with all of my heart and to be the wife and the mommy that I was called to be....but in this new way, different from the wife and mommy I was called to be before.  Things are much different now and slowly but surly Jesus is showing me what this new vocation looks like.  All I want to do is to please Him

WHAT'S GOING ON TODAY
MY BOYS

After breakfast, ALL of my boys sat, mesmerized, watching a video featuring the new 2017 Ford Raptor Truck...Jeremy is trying to decide whether or not to get the 2 toned paint job with the stripe....I told him that if he chooses the two toned racing stripe WITH the tricked out wheels, that he will be the coolest kid at Keller High : )

I love boys and their trucks....no matter how old they get, trucks are still super exciting to them.  Nicholas sat there talking about the truck that he wants to drive someday (of course one that matches daddy's) While Isaac watched the video (he loved being with the big boys)...... tried very hard to stay focused, but seemed more concerned that his sippy cup was empty and if he could have more juice....which he calls "Duice"

DINNER PREP

 We laughed and thoroughly enjoyed being together to prepare this meal...what a blessing!

The kids and I have a been making dinner together.  This is a pic of Madison peeling potatoes while Nicholas peels carrots.....it was a tasty pot roast in deed.  I think that the preparation with the kids might have been more exciting than the actual dinner!

MY GIRLS
The girls and I got to have an impromptu girls movie party last night.  Isaac and Gracie Ann were down for naps and Nicholas and daddy had gone out for the evening.  It was great!  We piled up on the bean bags and downstairs couch and watched a funny chick flick....and giggled a ton!  Madison actually stopped by the Granbury movie theater to pick up movie popcorn, cokes, and candy......It was a totally authentic movie party from beginning to end....only better because we had all of the luxuries and treats, but we got to be at home with no crowds of people!

BOAT TIME

What can I say about the boat......The kids love it!  They could tube, wakeboard, surf or ski  around the lake all day long!  This is Isaac's first summer on the tube and now he doesn't want to do anything else.....he wakes up in the morning and goes to bed at night talking about "da boat" as he pronounces it!  We officially have a 4th water baby in the family

DOWN TIME
Jeremy, the kids, and I have been blessed with lots of rest time together during our summer days at the lake. Lots of time just talking and hanging out.  I loved sitting on the back deck drawing and visiting with my kids the other morning.....and Isaac is ALWAYS around to make us laugh.  Oh how much Jesus has blessed me with this time for our family to bond.   I am soaking up all I can of my children, before I am called away again for my new lungs.....which will be such a long awaited blessing, but one that takes me away from my family again.....I am already grieving this time, as my children need their mommy and this mommy needs her children.

Isaac  

(My Isaac Bear)
My sweet little Isaac LOVES his naps!  He is so snuggly and I just love that!  I could snuggle him all day. When he is not snuggling, he is a little firecracker with an incredible zeal for life and he brings a joy to our family that only a little one could bring!
Gracie Ann 

(My Little Baby Bunny)

Gracie Ann requires A LOT of snuggling right now.  She loves to be held (she knows the difference between being snuggled up in blankets and being snuggled against the beating heart of her daddy or mommy) and frankly, we ALL love to hold her.....especially me!! At any given moment, there is a line of brothers and sisters waiting to hold her....  As I focus on eating, resting, praying, WAITING (for new lungs), and of course being a mommy as much as I am able, I have plenty of snuggle time available for her.  My Lord Jesus, I would not trade this time with my kids for the world!
When I hold her against my heart, she is immediately calmed and falls fast asleep 

Saying thank you to our Lord does not express the extent of my gratitude but it is the only word that I have, so Thank you, Jesus for this unexpected secluded summer
I never want it to end

HAPPY 19 YEARS BABY

REMEMBER WHEN WE MET?
Who would've ever thought.....an ordinary girl like me would ever be loved by such an extraordinary boy

To My one and only Love, Jeremy,

(I wrote this portion last January 2016)
Dear Jeremy,
I blog about you quite often, but it still seems to fall short of truly expressing my gratitude towards our Lord, Who gave you to me.
It is January something, 2016 and it is a Friday afternoon and I am laying in our bed right now with baby Gracie Ann growing in my belly.  I am physically exhausted and need to rest before Isaac awakes from his afternoon nap, but I cannot seem to fall asleep.  I can see you out our bedroom window....you are pacing our back porch, on a business call.  Even on your day off, you are working so hard to keep everything afloat so that the kids and I do not have a worry in the world....what a gift that is to us.  Even when you are worn out and weary, you continue to labor,  putting me and our kids before your own needs and I am feeling unworthy  but so very grateful for you.

(I wrote this portion today July 2016)
Jeremy, I feel so blessed to have had you as my husband for the past 19 years and feeling blessed that we have been in love for MORE THAN 1/2 of our lifetimes!
Jer.....We have been together....LONGER than we have been apart!  Jesus brought you into my life 22 years ago, when we were only 18.
Wow, can you believe it.....
I know that people say things like "Our wedding day seems like yesterday" and in some ways it does....but when I think of us at 18 and now at 40.....We have truly been together for a lifetime!

WE FELL IN LOVE WHEN WE WERE STILL JUST KIDS
We have literally grown up together, and I love that!  Together, Hand and hand, we have learned the ways of the world and how we fit into all of it.

Think about this.......When I met you in 1993, I was still heavily hair-spraying my "spiral permed" hair and you were still wearing both a turtle-neck AND an oversized GAP button up, tucked into your stone-washed jeans!
You bought me my very first music CD "Gin Blossoms" and you would play my favorite song for me over and over and OVER again as we drove in your car.  I would sing really loud and swing my hair from side to side as I was very cheerily "car-dancing"....and you would just smile and teasingly roll your eyes at me as you drove.   Do you remember that song, "Hey Jealousy"....Boy did I LOVE that song!

Whenever I asked permission, you would let me drive your car, as you were trying to teach me how to drive a "Standard Transmission"......Yikes, did I grind those gears!  But as I nervously bit my bottom lip and glanced your way, you NEVER lost your temper!

I remember how you would drive ALL OF THE WAY from Baylor to TCU on a random weekday evening, JUST to take me out to dinner (or simply order in, a Dominos thin crust pizza with extra sauce).....and then you would drive ALL of the way back to Waco that same night because you had an 8:00 class the next morning!
Then college came to an end and we could officially be together for the rest of our lives
We were married one week after graduation......we couldn't wait to be together forever!
We were finally going be officially "Jeremy and Kerry Lustig"
ON OUR WEDDING DAY
I meant each and every vow that I committed to, in front of our beautiful Lord, as I looked into your blue eyes that day, but I was far from knowing what those vows really meant.  God intended for us to make that first marital fiat with total blind faith, so that He could form our hearts together, as He strengthen our bond, preparing us for what our future life held.  Somewhere during that time, we went from being two young kids who were married, to a real family unit, centered on Christ!  Even now Our Lord continues to faithfully shower us with the Graces that we need to get through the different situations that cross our path.
I would not trade this life for anything.  You are my world and my true love!  You are my best friend and my soulmate.  We have a great life and I feel like the luckiest girl in the world!

Before we were even married, I felt called to start praying a special prayer to our Lord.....my prayer was that no matter what, I would always love you, more than you loved me. Why, because you deserve to be loved the most
And for the last 1/2 of my life, and for the rest of my life, I promise to do just that! 

OUR WEDDING SONG

I will be here: Steven Curtis Chapman

Tomorrow morning if you wake up and the sun does not appear
I will be here
If in the dark we lose sight of love, hold my hand and have no fear
I will be here

I will be here, when you feel like being quiet, when you need to speak your mind I will listen
I will be here, when the laughter turns to crying, through the winning losing and trying
We'll be together
I will be here

Tomorrow morning if you wake up and the future is unclear
I will be here
As sure as seasons were made for change, our lifetimes are made for years
I will be here

I will be here, you can cry on my shoulder, when the mirror tells us were older I will hold you
and I will be here to watch you grow in beauty and and tell you all the things you mean to me 
I will be here

I will be true to the promise I had made, to you and to The One Who gave you to me
I will be here

(Okay.....This is more of what I looked like for our 19th wedding anniversary this year)

Jeremy STILL claims that I am beautiful, even with all of my hair falling out and my thin body full of scars and less than ladylike equipment.  I pray that he continues to look at me through his pure and loving heart.  I am a most blessed girl indeed.  As ordinary as I am, I somehow won the heart of this extraordinary boy

19 years ago today, I became Mrs Lustig......I am such a lucky girl!
Happy Anniversary
I love you so much Jerms

HAPPY BIRTHDAY NICHOLAS

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO OUR SWEET LITTLE ANNIVERSARY BOMBER, NICHOLAS

Nicholas, You showed up perfectly timed on our 10th wedding anniversary....The best anniversary gift that we have ever received indeed

Nicholas made his own birthday cake out of banana bread mix.....it's his favorite!....we just didn't have any candles

Daddy found toothpicks and lit them on fire for Nicholas to blow out!  Only a daddy would solve a problem in this manner.  Nicholas was thrilled....actually ALL of the kids were thrilled to light toothpicks on fire

 Then we had a birthday lunch at this little Mexicn restaurant in Granbury.....what could be better than a sopapilla birthday dessert!

What an amazing kid my little Nicholas is......he's is not so little anymore, he's 12

I just need time to slow down a bit....it is all going much too fast! 

I am so grateful that our Lord Jesus made ME his mommy....how blessed I am to be able to be called that.....He truly melts my heart 

My sweet Nicholas is centered in Christ, super funny, polite. super loving, caring and virtuous towards his family and towards all who cross his path, he is also a GREAT big brother.....what else could a mommy desire for her child!

I love you, Nicholas and I thank our Lord for you each and every day!

God Bless you and Happy Birthday

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY

(our "Fathers Day breakfast in bed" tradition)

Dear Jeremy (On Fathers Day)

As I write this letter to you about being an amazing dad to our kids, I also must reflect on you as a husband as well.  There is nothing more romantic or attractive to this girl, than a holy man.  On November 6th, 1993, at the age of 18, I met the most holy young man and fell head over heals in love….I just know that Jesus must have been thinking about me when He made you!  What a precious gift you are to me!

(Isaac giving daddy his Father's day card)

Jeremy, you are both a holy husband AND a holy father to our five little ones, leading our family towards our Lord. You have literally been the arms and legs of Christ for all six of us….tirelessly keeping our family afloat through this time of sickness and suffering. Your vocation as a father has been stretched way beyond the normal parameters.  You have both tasted and embraced what the phrase “in sickness and in health” really means.  You have held fast to the commitment that we made to each other on our wedding day and at the same time to the commitment that we made to put Christ first in everything.  Your love for our Lord has overflowed onto our children as you lead them (me too) safely through life’s day to day challenges.  Our children are so blessed to have such a strong father, who loves them so much…and I am so blessed to be the girl that you gave your heart to and the girl with whom to journey through this life with….our journey home to our Lord.

 (Daddy reads all of the special cards from the kids....They even made him a Father's Day video)

 What a blessing our sufferings have been to remind us constantly that God is our strength.   Jeremy, we don’t know what tomorrow will bring (nobody does) but you and I know especially how “unsure” our life can be.  Though, there is one “for sure” thing that I have been blessed with…….it is the knowledge that no matter what comes our way, I will never be left alone.  I will always have you there holding me tight and keeping our family safe.

(Gracie Ann stayed awake for about 5 minutes of the Father's day celebration, then she snuggled up to her daddy for a mid morning nap....today is a GOOD day)

Jeremy,

You are my hero

You are my champion

You made me a wife

You made me a mommy

I love you so much

Happy Fathers Day Jeremy

Love, kerry ann

Dear Jesus, Thank you for Jeremy.....please continue to keep him close to You.  He loves You so much and wants nothing more than to please You through his earthly vocation of husband and father.

I love You, my dear Lord Jesus

DEAR JESUS-A SHORT DISCUSSION ON SIN

(I just found this letter to Jesus from 2 years ago)

My Dear Jesus,

Behold Lord, I am Thy little handmaiden, Timidis Autem Agnus (fearful little lamb)

Lord, You always treat me with the same love and graciousness as though I were already made pure.  I cannot tell you how greatly I desire to regard others in that same way.  Heal my wounded and human heart so that I can see others the way that You see them through Your beautiful and Perfect Loving eyes.

My Lord, You purposefully allow me to be brought into contact with the bad and evil things that You want changed.  Perhaps that is the very reason why I am here in this world, where sin and sorrow and suffering and evil abound, so that I may let You teach me how to react to them, so that out of them you can create lovely qualities that live forever.  That is the only really satisfactory way of dealing with evil, not simply binding it so that it cannot work harm, but whenever possible, overcoming it with good. 

Every circumstance in life, no matter how crooked, distorted, and ugly it appears to be, if it is reacted to in love, forgiveness, and obedience to Your Will, can be transformed into something beautiful. 

Even though I may face evil and suffering, I know that You will be there with me.  I trust in You and I am humbled that You would work through me in this way. I love You with all of my heart.  I pray that I will continue to transform evil into good, with Your guidance and strength, until I take my very last breath and I pray that I will always remain close to You all of the days of my life.  I yearn to be Your true delight, my Jesus.  I love you

Love,

kerry ann

TO MY GRACIE ANN- FIGHTING AGAINST MY DAILY FEARS

THE WORDS OF BLESSED JOHN HENRY NEWMAN

(I love when our Lord speaks to me through His most holy servants....Of course Jesus knew exactly what I needed to hear (read) today....When hope seemed so distant from me)

How could I have ever even questioned.....He has already demonstrated this to me so many times in so many ways

"He is the Creator.  He who did, alone can undo.  He who made, alone can destroy.  He who gave nature it's laws, alone can change those laws.

He who made fire to burn, food to nourish, water to flow,  and iron to sink.  He ALONE can make fire harmless, food needless, water firm and solid and iron light.

Man is powerful only by means of nature. God uses nature as His instrument. God has no need of nature in order to accomplish His Will.  He works His great work, sometimes by means of nature, and sometimes without nature, as it pleases Him"

-Blessed John Henry Newman

Dear Gracie Ann,
Even though the world doesn't understand how you are even possible, we know that Jesus Christ has the supreme control over all.  He willed you to be born in the midst of distress, when daddy was told that you would surly die.... and now (as you beat all of the odds) our Lord is Willing you to continue amazing all that gaze upon your sweet face, as you reflect His true Glory.  We count down the days until you can be home with us.  We love you so much.
Love,
Mommy

(Gracie....you are my sweet Baby Bunny)

Lord God, You have command over ALL things!  You are mighty and know no boundaries!
Please bring our sweet Gracie Ann home soon....Oh how my heart aches without her near me, Jesus.  How long until my heart will be satisfied? 
As my head lays heavy in my hands, I am comforted by You and Your goodness and love for Gracie.  You love her more than my disordered human heart ever could, as Gracie was Yours first.  She is Your creation and because of that, I have nothing to fear.....My next breath resounds..."Jesus, I trust in You"
Above all, we pray that Your most Holy and Perfect Will be done...We know that You have big plans for Gracie Ann in Your perfect timing. 
Help us to stay faithful as we wait to see Your plan unfold